We Went Karting and Didn’t Get Kicked Out

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This past weekend, the Brothers Baruth ended up at Full Throttle Indoor Karting in Cincinnati, Ohio. I’d like to say that I dominated everybody on the way to victory, but…oh wait, that actually did happen, so I can say it. In the above picture, you can see my #11 kart taking the proper line through the last turn as I pass Jack’s #22.

The best part of it, and also the worst part, is that we didn’t get kicked out. Because that’s normally what happens.

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Now Auditioning Sister Wives In A Suburb Near You

Just in case this is your first time accessing the Internet since the middle of last week, let me be the one to break the news to you: The Supreme Court decided last week to override state definitions of marriage, be they the product of a state legislature, a referendum, or simple long-established tradition, in the name of Tumblr-style social justice. The minute the decision was announced, pretty much every corporation in America changed their logo to a rainbow version of their logo in an effort to suck up to Millennials.

If you ever needed a demonstration that this country’s so-called “left wing” has become entirely co-opted by corporate interests and marketing, this would be a good one. I remind you that job availability and economic conditions for so-called working-class Americans are the worst they have been in fifty years and that Mr. Obama is in the middle of selling the working American down the river with the super-NAFTA-sucking-sound disaster known as TPP. I also remind you that “Obamacare”, rather than delivering a European-style single-payer solution, is actually a method to force young people to line the coffers of the insurance companies who paid Mr. Obama’s re-election bill three years ago.

In other words, there is no longer a major political party in this country that gives a damn about anybody earning under, say, $100k/year, particularly if they are paid by the hour for assembly work. We are told that there just isn’t any way to establish a fair wage for Americans, that it would be impossible to adjust predatory trade practices from Asian countries and American multinationals, and that solutions like devaluing the dollar to more fairly reflect its worth compared to Asian currencies are utterly impossible.

To distract you from TPP, our Ministry Of Truth has lined up a Confederate-flag controversy and our Ministry Of #LoveWins has delivered gay marriage by judicial fiat. Did it work? I’d say so, because if you have a Twitter feed you will see nothing but social-justice news and nothing about economic justice or workers’ rights.

So what does gay marriage mean to you, my overwhelmingly straight and male readers? It means your gay friends can have a wedding and they can inherit stuff and they can be at their husbands’ bedsides. Good for them. (And for you, my gay male readers. Congratulations.) But the actual implications for you are far deeper — and since we live in the new Gilded Age, it should come as no surprise that some men will benefit tremendously while others will be actively contemplating suicide.

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The Case for Fiona Apple

 

Fiona Apple's new album, out June 19, is titled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

 

I am not a lawyer, much to the chagrin of my dear grandmother. However, I come before you today to make an argument that should be so plain, so obvious, and so transparent to even the most tone deaf of music appreciators that I shouldn’t even have to make it. But, for some reason, my client doesn’t get the respect she deserves. So here’s my opening statement:

Fiona Apple is the greatest popular music composer/performer of our time.

Not convinced? Don’t worry, you will be.

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A Message To All My Childless Male Readers

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This past Sunday was Father’s Day. It’s the sixth one I’ve celebrated. Well, it’s the fifth one I’ve celebrated. The first Father’s Day was one of the worst days of my life. I spent it at a racetrack about six hundred miles away from my son who was still under four pounds at the time — and that wasn’t the worst of it. I wouldn’t mind just forgetting Father’s Day of 2009.

But that is besides the point. The purpose of this post is to explain to you, the voluntarily childless young man, why you need to hurry up and have a son before it’s too late.

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