“Would you like to visit our nightclub?” the person at the hotel door asked. “Let me give you a ticket, miss.” I blame this on Danger Girl, who looked very glamorous in her gold sequin dress and white leather boots. I looked positively homeless; I was wearing an old Tyrwhitt buttondown and NB 990s. On the presumption that I was her valet, or perhaps father, they let me in too.
After an hour of bouncing around aimlessly on the main floor, staring up at the dancers and listening to a second-rate DJ pretend to be a bleach-blonde steroid-using variant of Tiesto, my knees called time on the affair. I was already peeved because a bouncer had shoved me out of the way to make room for a group of VIP investment bankers and their ensemble of prostitutes. It takes some shoving to move me, you know. “Don’t punch that guy,” brother Bark advised. “All twelve of his fellow bouncers will kill you.”
I don’t need to go back there. Contrary to 50 Cent’s protestations, you will not find me in the club. But you can find me on some of your favorite websites. Let’s take a look.
That trip to the club, and the multiple long nights surrounding it, took a lot of out of me, but I’m coming back up to speed now. Look for this week’s roundup to be a bit more, ahem, timely. And that’s a promise you can take all the way to Funkytown.