Weekly Roundup: The Men Who Went Their Own Way Edition

Earlier this week, discussing a mountain biking video, commenter stingray65 said:

I can’t quite get my head around the adult performer doing kid’s stunts. There are so many activities that adults continue to do that were things that mostly kids did when I was growing up such as riding bikes (includes jumps, and stunts), playing video games, reading comic books, collecting baseball cards, which tended to fade away as favorite activities once adulthood arrived and bikes were replaced by cars, and video games and comic books were replaced by work, dating, parenthood, and more sedentary adult hobbies (i.e. drinking, smoking, cooking, knitting, car wrenching, woodworking, watching TV). Today it seems that its the kids getting fat because they are more often doing sedentary “adult” activities (i.e. social media) and it is much more common to see middle-aged adults still doing extreme sports (at least the ones featured on YouTube videos), playing video games (with high powered machines and peripheral hardware), and collecting comic books, baseball cards, etc. as “investments”.

I can immediately think of two possible responses here. The first one is that my father was hitting softballs out of the park down in his Hilton Head neighborhood as late as around his sixty-fifth birthday. (Still playing ten years later, just no longer swinging for the fences.) He grew up playing baseball, was a centerfielder for Notre Dame, and played softball much of his adult life. I didn’t play baseball — well, I didn’t play it much, anyway. I rode a bike. So here I am, at forty-nine, still riding a bike. No different from the old man, whom I recall taking his softball very seriously when he was in his forties.

That’s what I like to think of as the “Seen It All, Internet” answer. You know that answer. There’s someone to provide it almost immediately, everywhere from Usenet in 1987 to Reddit in 2021. Nothing’s really changed, you’re making a big deal about nothing, we’ve seen it all before, don’t get excited, I’m so blase and world-weary on this topic and all others… Yet any intelligent reader knows that the “Seen It All” answer almost never applies. There is a tremendous difference between how grown men pass their time nowadays and how they passed their time in 1990 or 1960 or 1650. So let’s take stingray65 seriously and search for an answer to his question.

To begin our discussion, let me tell you about two girls I met in 2013, within a few months of each other. The first one messaged me, before we met, “I just want to confirm that you are actually six foot two, and not lying about it, because I’m every bit of six feet tall and I’m tired of being disappointed.” The second one, who was not six feet tall but also wasn’t that far short of it, told me, somewhere around our second date,

“I’m really only interested in a man who is taller than I am, and who earns more money than I do.” After a brief, self-reflective pause, she asked, “Is that shallow?”

Well, dear readers, is it?

Perhaps you haven’t noticed, or perhaps you have, but the American dating market has changed tremendously in the past thirty years, thanks to two major shifts in behavior. The first one was the almost universal employment of women. This is more recent than, say, computer-controlled automotive fuel injection. I went to college with a fair number of girls who didn’t plan on working after graduation, or at least didn’t plan on working for long. That sort of thinking is now limited to people who pursue a fringe religious belief, like Islam or non-ironic Christianity. Women make up almost two-third of college students now, and they take a majority of the available white-collar jobs after graduation.

This is a big deal, because it breaks what has been the fundamental rationale for monogamous marriages since before the time of the Greeks and Romans, namely the man provides and the woman raises the kids. In fact, that’s been the deal for so long that we can’t even accurately guess as to when or where it wasn’t the deal. Certain exceptionally fertile parts of Africa, maybe. Very early hunter-gatherer tribes where the women also hunted. Who knows? This unprecedented change in society, like all of our other unprecedented changes of late, has the primary effect of lowering labor costs. We now have twice as many workers. Don’t have twice as many jobs. You can do the math.

Joining the workforce has made women extremely happy and self-fulfilled… said no woman ever to me personally. Don’t get me wrong. They all know that they are supposed to be happy and self-fulfilled. All the magazines told them so. It just hasn’t happened. Maybe they should have asked men beforehand. Very few of us extract any tremendous happiness or self-fulfillment from our jobs. Why would it be any different for women? Oh well. It’s an experiment still in progress, I’m sure it will work out.

Whether they enjoy their jobs or not, women now make up a significant percentage of high-earning American workers. Yet many of them still express that it is important for a man to earn as much money as they do — or more. This isn’t hard to do when you’re a 25-year-old secretary, not that we still have secretaries, but you get the idea. It’s much tougher for a 45-year-old partner in a law firm. There’s a lot of data on this, and a lot of discussion about it. Most of it is written from the “isn’t that tough for the girls” perspective, but the flip side is that the average man is probably no longer very interesting to the average woman.

Remember that, it will be important later.

The second big change, even newer than the first, is the intrusion of “tech” into dating. All early indications are that this has drastically changed dating and relationships before marriage towards a so-called Pareto distribution — namely, 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex. More and more, women prefer being a non-monogamous partner to a “higher-value” man over being the monogamous partner of a “lower-value” man. A recent study showed that it’s ever tougher than that: Men “liked” 61.9% of women on Tinder and women “liked” a mere 4.5% of men on Tinder. So if you’re a man on a dating app, you have a 1 in 20 chance of being interesting to a woman… but if you are interesting, you’ll have access to a lot of women.

We all knew women were picky, but we didn’t know just how picky until the data got involved, right? It gets worse. As a man on a dating app, you’re not only competing with 19 other dudes for the title of The Chosen One. You’re also competing with OnlyFans and SeekingArrangement, two ways for younger women to monetize their appeal. Arizona State has more than 2,500 female students using SeekingArrangement, and there are plenty of other well-represented schools. Ohio State has almost a thousand! That’s a lot of part-time prostitution happening. Meanwhile, OnlyFans, where you just buy pictures and videos of the girls instead of paying them for actual sex, has over a million “creators” with eight thousand new girls signing up daily.

All of this skews the market as well. The blogger DeliciousTacos, who is fairly handsome and absolutely, as they say, jacked, which is what we used to call “ripped”, has noted that he frequently finds himself dating girls who can’t see him on certain nights because said nights are reserved for “sugar daddies”. He also notes, with some surprise, that these girls can be emotionally distant. Gosh, who’d have thought it.

Okay, let’s review. If you are a man, you have a one in twenty chance of having girls like you online. Many of the girls you meet, online or elsewhere, will earn more than the average man, but they will want you to earn more than they do. They will also all want you to be taller than they are, which has only been a problem for your humble author once but may be a serious problem for some of you. (I met my high school girlfriend when I was six feet and she was five ten; she made it to six four before her sophomore year.)

This is tough on women, of course. In their search for relatively high earners over six feet tall, they are often forced to settle for hideous chuds like yours truly, just because I meet the requirements on paper. I blame society for this, and also my mother, who didn’t let me have Coca-Cola or indeed anything besides milk to drink until I was fourteen. Oh well. It’s an ill wind that blows no one good.

Less openly discussed: this is also hard on men. The average man in this country is five foot ten and makes $49k a year. In other words, he doesn’t exist. His dating life is going to be miserable, unless he is exceptionally handsome and/or fit. Even then, some women will not take him seriously. And if he manages to beat the odds and get married, he will then find out that more women than ever are highly interested in cheating on their husbands. It will come as no surprise that this happens more often to lower-income men, or to shorter men.

There is a group of men who have decided to “opt out” of this rigged-ish game entirely. They are called Men Going Their Own Way. They have decided to find fulfillment without long-term relationships. Wikipedia says they are misogynist, supremacist, and possibly racist. I can’t see how, exactly. They look to me like dudes who want to be left alone. They want to do other things besides marry or even date. They want to play video games, or pursue hobbies, or just do something else. (For a rather emotional and loosely focused statement of the “MGTOW are racist” case, read The Cut.) Some of them resent women, as a whole, quite bitterly. I know how they feel. I resent Radical Sportscars UK rather bitterly, for not making a “fat man” seat for my PR6. It’s my fault that I don’t quite fit in the car, and it’s my fault that I’ll have to lose twenty pounds to sit in the thing comfortably, but I’m still bitter. Maybe the MGTOWs are the same way.

What about those of us who haven’t quite Gone Our Own Way, so to speak? We are clearly ignoring Saint Paul’s precept about “putting away childish things”. I have personally constructed my life in a manner calculated almost exclusively to gratify my fourteen-year-old previous self. I liked guitars back then, so now I have hundreds of them. I liked cars — got a bunch of those two. I wanted a Kawasaki Ninja, so now I have the fastest one they ever made. I played video games a bit back then. As of next week I’ll be doing it with an Alienware Aurora and a 32″ curved monitor. My son and I just started doing these “airsoft” matches. You should see the airsoft gun I have. I’m afraid to take it outside of the house, because it looks like something the ATF would deem worthy of a Hellfire drone strike on American soil.

Oh, and I have a bike collection worth more than a new Corvette. All that’s missing is the girls, really, and prior to the current Mrs. Baruth I kept myself busy in that regard as well, despite the fact that I make Danny Trejo look like Ryan Reynolds.

All of this is ridiculous, and pathetic in its own way. Yet I know plenty of adult men who are just as bad, if not worse. There’s a fellow on Instagram who builds one new $20,000 mountain bike every month. Another one with a thousand-plus airsoft guns, at least one example of every “good” gun in the sport’s history. It’s not just the collecting. It’s the doing. You’d be amazed how many “grown-ups” I know who spend dozens of days every year mountain biking or BMX-ing, often getting there courtesy of customized “vanlife” Sprinters or Transits.

Why can’t we grow up?

I’ve thought about it quite a bit, and the answer is simple enough. We aren’t growing up because we don’t have any kids to make us grow up. We don’t have any kids to make us grow up because society encouraged us to waste our twenties and even our thirties in the pursuit of idiotic, ephemeral pleasures. Yes, I have one son. One. He’s no trouble and we usually have the same opinion about everything. My father had two sons. My grandfather had four, plus a daughter. You see how much easier I have it than they did. Oh, and they didn’t have two-income families, either.

Yes, I could stop riding my bike and I could work harder. Earn more money. I did that for about a decade. Spent it mostly on tailors and German cars. But I got sick of handing 40% or more of it over to the government so they could use it for… whatever they use it for. At least I had the option of working harder and making more money. A lot of men don’t. They’re either physically limited by their jobs — who could work on an assembly line eighty hours a week and live? — or they’re limited by the available upside in careers that are increasingly being diverted to people who don’t look or think like they do.

No, we aren’t Going Our Own Way here in Middle-Aged Man-Ville, but society is Going Its Own Way, and that way is away from us. Not just at work. After work, too. All the traditional options for men of my age, like the Lions Club or the Knights of Columbus or even the bowling leagues, have had their teeth pulled by a society that deemed them to be breeding reservoirs of violent -isms of one sort or another. God forbid you try to have a “men’s club” now. A while ago, I was invited to join a German-American men’s club, complete with maennerchor. I didn’t stay. Partly because I can’t sing in German worth a damn, but also because I suspected that potential employers, upon hearing that I was part of a “German men’s club”, would assume that it had something to do with either Reinhard Heydrich or the Messerschmitt 262.

What if society hadn’t Gone Its Own Way over the past few decades? What if things had stayed the same, more or less? I can easily imagine a pre-apocalyptic, Sixties-or-Seventies version of me. He has four sons who call him “sir”, the way I call my own father “sir”; they are alternately bullied, dressed-down, and hair-ruffled, as the spirit moves him. He takes his small business very seriously, or perhaps he is devoted to a company with a “General” or a “Consolidated” in its name. He owns a suitcase and has a secretary, who calls him “Mr. Baruth” and holds his calls while he reads the paper at work every morning. A few nights a week he drives his emerald-green Fleetwood d’Elegance coupe over to the Lions or the Freemasons and spends a few hours in the cheerful company of men like him before drunk-driving the four miles back home and falling asleep in a bed next to, but not joined to, that of his wife. On Saturday he plays golf. Mows the lawn. On Sunday he herds the kids to church. Most evenings he enjoys plain, home-cooked fare, with his family eating quietly around him. He doesn’t have an orthopedist on call, and he hasn’t had a trauma injury since he was fifteen, but his doctor is a little worried about the effects that twenty-five years of serious drinking and business stress have had on his heart. There’s an MG in the garage, along with a woodworking setup. Neither sees much use.

Understand, please, that I would give up everything I have to be that person. How could the thrill of winning a race at Laguna Seca, or clearing a thirty-foot jump on a carbon-fiber spaceship of a mountain bike, or even playing “Sirabhorn” on a PRS Private Stock guitar, compare with the quiet satisfaction of knowing your own worthwhile place in a society that was built around you? All the worries I have for my son — that he will be lonely, that he will be unemployable despite his prodigious talents, that he’ll never find someone to love in a sea of endless part-time Seekers of Arrangements — all those worries simply do not exist for the other me. He knows that his sons will find a place of their own, too. There won’t be riots, or lockdowns, contract employment in place of real jobs, or non-governmental organizations beating the drum night and day for a race/class war. There will just be the eternal Fortress America, with just one distant, slightly feckless enemy to unify us and just three television channels to pollute our minds.

That’s what they took from me. From us. Who are “they”? I couldn’t tell you. But they took it. They didn’t steal my childhood, as my parents and many other parents worried would happen. Instead, they stole my adulthood. On the weekends, when I sit on my mountain bike at the mountain bike park, surrounded by dozens of other 25-and-up men looking to find the missing meaning of our lives via an obstacle course or a particularly deft bit of physical skill, I realize that I am just one of millions such theft victims. We were all pointed at a grown-up world that never came true. So we just all stayed fourteen years old, forever.

It’s not bad, this perpetual adolescence. But it’s not good, either. Not for us, nor for anyone else.

stingray65, I hope this answers your bewilderment. It has only enhanced mine.

* * *

This week, for Hagerty, I wrote about a ridiculous BMW marketing campaign and reached into the past for a Cadillac Corvette.

111 Replies to “Weekly Roundup: The Men Who Went Their Own Way Edition”

  1. Avatarstingray65

    Thanks for the very thoughtful essay response to my earlier comment Jack. I largely agree, and my Feminism comment to your Children’s Bible essay yesterday is my answer to why these changes occurred. A few highly driven, intelligent, and often emotionally disturbed women were very unhappy with traditional female roles as home-makers, wives and mothers, and were certain that following their fathers, brothers, and husbands to college and the office (but not to the coal mines or steel mills) would bring them the independence and happiness they were missing. They have mostly gotten their wish and dragged most of the female population with them, which has has worked out great for a few of them who have found satisfaction with high powered careers and satisfying work, and happiness in marriage to an even higher powered man and their 1.7 kids. Yet most of the women dragged along for the ride are miserable because feminist math sucks as you point out. Perhaps its because women just aren’t as good or interested in math, but I’ve never seen any feminist point out the logical inconsistency of pushing women into higher education and highly paid professions in proportion (or higher) to their share of the population AND telling them that they shouldn’t just “settle” for a nice guy who has less education, a lower status job (doing “non-essential” work such as plumbing, welding, electrical, roofing, garbage collecting, mining, truck driving, etc.), and possibly lower income than they have – I mean why should the 50+% of women with fading looks and a loudly ticking biological clock graduating medical school into a highly paid profession settle for anyone less than a even more higher status/paid surgeon who can properly support them when they give up medicine (or go part-time) at age 38 due to “career stress” or a desire to be a full-time mom?

    Of course as with most things in life, men are largely responsible for this sad state of affairs. As evil capitalists and entrepreneurs men have generated more wealth and a higher standard of living more more people than any God or King could have dreamed of a few hundred years ago. Along the way they invented and got rich from large number of household appliances that greatly reduced the home-maker workload and freed up female productive capacity to find employment outside the home. And men from Thomas Malthus to Paul Ehrlich to James Hansen have warned of ecological disaster caused by excessive economic and population growth, and men again provided a solution by inventing cheap and effective birth control that allowed women to choose when or if they wanted children (and also better seed hybrids and fertilizers, and deep sea oil drilling and fracking to keep us from starving or freezing to death).

    And with so much wealth, productive capacity, and leisure derived mostly from male brains and muscle, society could afford to send large numbers of women to university where the majority would go into debt majoring in a wide variety of subjects that have no useful function other than to indoctrinate them into believing that patriarchy, misogyny, and white privilege are responsible for all the world’s problems and their own personal unhappiness and failures in life (including not being able to find a “good” man). Of course a few would end up as education majors where they could not only learn about the evils of patriarchy, misogyny, and white privilege rather than actual skills in teaching racist/sexist math, science and English, but go out into schools throughout the country and indoctrinate girls into hating men and punish boys for being male while spreading the belief that socialism was the solution and orange man bad.

    The interesting thing about these developments is that all evidence suggests that men playing video games, building fancy bikes, collecting guitars, and more often than ever living without a wife or children are generally happier than men who were forced into adulthood by economic necessity and cultural norms in previous generations, while women who have gotten more money, freedom, and opportunities than they could have ever imagined are more miserable than ever before. Thus I guess the lesson is be careful what you wish for.

    Reply
    • AvatargbKing

      A colleague of mine with with a few less decades under his belt, literally as well as metaphorically, tells me that many of the sorority girls are banking with that site but all they have to do is show up for dinner once a week and text some during the day.

      He genuinely believes that.

      Reply
  2. Avatarstingray65

    I enjoyed your BMW and Caddy-Vette Hagerty pieces. The interesting question to speculate on is whether BMW would even be here today if GM had been a bit more adventurous in the late 60s and 70s with Cadillac? If GM had taken the IRS, rear disc brakes, and Rochester Fuel Injection from the Corvette and made them standard on DeVilles and the Seville together with an optional handling package and plush bucket seats, how many Mercedes, BMW, and Jaguar buyers of the era would have purchased a Caddy instead (with functioning A/C, reliable and smooth automatic, power seats, etc. not available on the Europeans)?

    I don’t think anyone can accuse BMW of similar lethargy today, as they are seemingly trying to please everyone with everything from small city cars to plush 8 seater SUVs, and twin-turbo V-12 to to save the world electrics. I think it could be argued that the i3 is probably the most innovative car of the past 10 years, with its carbon fiber body and suicide doors, innovative bicycle wheel tires, and availability as a pure electric or range extender versions that offered the best EV performance of any car short of a Tesla S when introduced, but I expect BMW has lost money on every single one they have sold. They still offer models and options that can make their current line-up far faster and better handling than the rose tinted memories of BMW “classics”, but for the most part they are poor selling niches (try finding a BMW with the adaptive suspension option in dealer stock, and see how many M240i’s they move each year), which suggests that very few of those who lament the current soft/luxury/iPhone state of BMW vehicles are willing to buy/lease the versions that still live up the the “ultimate driving machine” legacy. Like virtually every other car maker, their best and most profitable sellers are luxury “trucks” that offer high seating positions and easy cargo access and loads of electronics, and governments around the world are forcing them to go electric to save the planet to people who don’t want them unless it says Tesla on the grill and comes with substantial subsidies (including tax-free fuel).

    Thus the irritating BMW ad that features a “know-it-all” social media loving female voice for the ix3 and grumpy old male voice in the “old” 7 series and two night watchpeople, all with mid-America accents in a Munich museum, should have more accurately featured the iX3 with Hitler like voice screaming about his plan to save the world from the environmental menace caused by evil capitalists and Jewish bankers by forcing all cars to be electric as the state purifies the air by confiscating all the dirty gasoline/diesel cars. Thus the ad ends with night watchpeople in SS uniforms escorting the 760 featuring a slightly worried Yiddish voice out of the museum to a “work” camp where they tell the car he will be “rehabilitated” as the Hitler voice fades in the background.

    Reply
  3. AvatarGeorge Denzinger

    Where is there a functioning Maennerchor? I belonged to one in my hometown 30+ years ago, but I left it when I moved away. I think the closest one to me now is in South Bend, Indiana…

    Reply
  4. AvatarJohn C.

    Good God, that BMW video was upsetting. Now even the Germans feel the need to attack their automotive fathers the way the domestics did around 1990 and the way the British did around 2005. The intelligencia thought both of the previous deserved it, now they are yielding the last defendable hill.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      The intelligencia have never liked personal cars for the masses – gives the common man too much freedom, privacy, and clogs up the roads and slows their progress in getting to important meetings, and now they are going to kill us all from global warming. BMW or anyone else could make cars from recycled soda bottles and other garbage that purify the air by burning CO2 and other greenhouse gases, and the intelligencia would still find some reason to not want the general population to have them.

      Reply
      • AvatarJohn C.

        The 7 series BMW in the video, the Jaguars in 2005, or the Cadillacs in 1990 were not cars for the masses. yet they were the ones that required self abasement that shows the death spiral the companies were in.

        Reply
        • Avatarstingray65

          With their massive and rapid depreciation, a 3-4 year old 7, Jag, or Caddy is certainly within reach of the masses.

          Reply
        • AvatarWill

          You hate the hoi polloi so you should be happy about that. In your delusional world, do you think Machiavelli would do well today or not?

          Reply
          • AvatarWill

            Well John,

            Because your men of Harvard’s yesteryear has caused all this mess (only the wealthy, entrenched educated can enjoy socialism), so BMW is better off being state owned and making whatever the masses wants.

            As an aside, you make more money selling cheap stuff to poor people then you do making things for rich people. So yes, you placate the hoi polloi first.

          • AvatarCJinSD

            Tell that to Elon Musk and William Clay Ford Jr. I’ll give you a hint. The one who inherited an empire built on elevating the working class out of subsistence is a pauper compared to the one who makes toys for people leading whiffle lives.

          • AvatarJohn C.

            Mr. Musk is quite the example though. We have him because South Africa no longer welcomes it’s first citizens. if you exclude a very few nomadic hottentots. Detoured from where he belonged, he came here to make his upper middle class toys. To have such success after being detoured should be an inspiration to those detoured from Harvard by the modern nomadic hottentots.

            One wonders if he was building his toys in a modern Boer South Africa, would he have to route them through Israel as with their diamonds to make them acceptable. If he did, he would have the mass media’s help labeling Tacans blood EVs.. Ha Ha

            Just to be clear though, I went to in state schools for my degrees. and I am a pauper even next to William Clay Ford. never mind Musk. Will and Ronnie I think are the last people who think the Ivy League is the American asset it once was.

          • AvatarJohn C.

            Update, I just checked and Ford also has a billion dollars. You would have to move a lot of decimal places to get down to lowly John C.

          • AvatarRonnie Schreiber

            Will and Ronnie I think are the last people who think the Ivy League is the American asset it once was.

            I went to Michigan so in general I’ve never been impressed by the Ivies (the smartest kids go to MIT and CalTech, not Harvard and Yale), but Michigan has become degraded as an academic institution, just as the Ivies and nearly the rest of American universities (save for Hillsdale and a handful of others) have declined. Martin Anderson predicted much of that decline 25 years ago with his book, Imposters In The Temple.

          • AvatarWill

            @CJ Tesla is paper value, as it only makes a small profit on its carbon credit program and loses money on its car operations. The best way to look at it is, which company actually makes more money, Wal Mart or Neiman Marcus? Toyota and Ford generate far more revenue than Tesla ever could by selling 100k automobiles. It’s why Porsche and Lamborghini are subrands of cheaper brands.

            @John, my comment was critical of the Ivy leagues, but somehow you missed that. Also, the gem trade is dominated by Indians and not Israelis. Israelis are more the middle men.

            @Ronnie The smart ones just don’t go to MIT and CalTech, they still go to the Ivies. A lot of excellent engineering and medical advancements discoveries come out of the Ivies. You can look at the patent figures and licensing budgets for technologies. As population grows and admissions rates drop, it only makes sense for other schools to catch up.

          • AvatarJohn C.

            When all you guys try to push back that these institutions were worse when they were American and Christian, or in BMW’s case German and Christian, you are inherently agreeing, no even promoting, that the credentialed, international, multi sex and no religion allowed teams and their worldwide supply chains that produced the feminazi EV CUV under the Bavarian Motor Works name are better than what came before. Sorry, I just don’t agree.

          • AvatarCJinSD

            Tesla is the most valuable manufacturer in the world because we’re living in a fascist country and the fascists want prizes for the people who carry their water. The goal of global fascism is feudalism, at which point there won’t be a market for Fords or much of anything that oligarchs don’t want.

  5. AvatarPower6

    “They didn’t steal my childhood, as my parents and many other parents worried would happen. Instead, they stole my adulthood.”

    This is powerful stuff for people of a certain age! I was born in ’76. I grew up with technology and some other certain societal changes, but not IN it. My parents were sort-of-hippies turned sort-of-yuppies so kind somewhat traditional or trying to be. They waited until the kids were grown to divorce. All my therapy has been focused on what my childhood did to me. And then you wrote that and whole lot more stuff makes sense…

    Reply
  6. Avatarhank chinaski

    Two popular witty quips on this topic: ‘Women get the men they deserve’ and ‘Islam is right about women’. Either way, SSRI producers and fertility specialists are making bank off of this generation, much more than those selling Funko Pops, bikes and gaming PCs. If we ever make it to Mars, either as a colony or Botany Bay/gulag, our men will finally have something worthwhile to do.

    I’ve always understood the bean poles having a hard 6′ floor, but the spinners too. That’s just rude.

    On AC#89: ‘Career Opportunities’ is Connelly’s best film. Prove me wrong.

    Reply
  7. Avatardanio

    A little Black Pill to start the day. I want to be optimistic, but I know you’re right. The feministic monopolization of the sexual marketplace is nearly complete. Like you said in no uncertain terms, women would rather share an Alpha than settle for a Beta. Betas become Incels and can go and die as far as woke culture is concerned. Or at least have no voice, no power, no visibility.

    Used to be that societally enforced monogamy would allow men and women to pair off so men didn’t have to kill each other for mates. Perhaps there will be a devolution. Or, perhaps the acceleration in sex doll technology will fill the void.

    I consider myself lucky to have a son and a daughter, along with a long time wife that looks much younger than she is. But I know it’s not luck. Like you said about yourself, there is a lot that can be done to make up for a lack of looks.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      Women might settle for a Beta as their looks fade, and/or when Alpha runs away and she is left alone with a kid or three, but you can be pretty sure she will still be looking on dating sites for another chance with an Alpha, and there are always welfare programs from Uncle Sam (funded mainly by male taxpayers) as a fallback when all else fails.

      Reply
      • Avatardanio

        True. Once a Beta has increased his earning potential, most likely in his 30s, he might look forward to a cuckold or step-fatherhood. Society now reinforces these roles for useful Betas.

        I recently skimmed a “dad” focused social media group with a post about some poor fellow who went from bachelor to step-dad of 7, everyone elevating him to “Real Man” status.

        Reply
  8. AvatarNewbie Jeff

    There is a simple answer to all this… I speak from personal experience. You don’t have to “go your own way”, you just have to go a different way: DON’T DATE AMERICAN WOMEN.

    It’s that simple. I have dated two German, two Polish, two Russian, one Salvadoran, and one Iranian, mixed in with a slew of American women… so I have my control group. The experience is fundamentally different. Europe may be socialist and politically progressive, but many of the people are very much “old world”, with inherently traditional culture and norms. Central America is profoundly traditional, meaning they’re not eager to throw their national identities into the garbage.

    Example 1: The Iranian woman was 8 years younger, gorgeous, and worked at a university. One time, when I was very gently introducing my political views, she asked, “When will America overthrow the Iranian regime? Don’t you understand how evil and oppressive they are?” While watching the “Handmaid’s Tale”: “Why is do the actors say this will happen in America? This is actually how it is in Iran!”

    Example 2: My current Polish girlfriend (polish accent): “You really like to work on your car all the time. If we live together, you can work on your car and I will bring you sandwiches. Then take me to the old restaurant on the lake.”

    I’m not saying women need to nurture my male ego by making me sandwiches… I’m just saying that women outside the US, not fully corrupted by American feminism, are still comfortable with their actual female identity. They are comfortable being a woman. Not surprisingly, they are almost universally happier than most of the American women I dated who were varying degrees of what Jack describes… repeat after me: DON’T DATE AMERICAN WOMEN.

    Reply
    • AvatarJeff Weimer

      These attitudes have been out there for a very long time. When I was stationed in Japan in the early 90s (I’m using when I first learned this only as a point of reference, it had to have been percolating a lot longer than that), it was very common for Sailors to marry their Japanese girlfriends – or find a Filipina if that was their fancy – because they simply treated their man better than an American girl would *even at that time*. American women even then were very much marinated in feminist ideals and their attitudes towards men, and their partners, reflected that. The only difference I see between then and now is that women generally wanted that, and now it’s the only thing expected of them; anything else is seen as weird and possibly quasi-criminal. The only thing that hasn’t changed, as Jack’s anecdotes and your experience shows, is they never gave up hypergamy – they’re essentially pricing themselves out of the market and now wondering where all the “good” (read: higher status) men went.

      Reply
    • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

      This could certainly be the answer for an individual, but it’s not the answer for American society as a whole, unless we start importing Eastern European women at the same rate that Corporate America imports overseas labor, which is to say two million or more per year.

      Reply
      • Avatarstingray65

        Given the harsh and nasty way they have treated Melania Trump, somehow I don’t think that even the open border Democrats will want to encourage immigration of Eastern European women to do jobs (i.e. be good wives to American men) that American women just won’t do. The low birthrate in Eastern Europe also means there are likely to be far fewer than 2 million Melania Trump types available for immigration each year.

        Reply
      • AvatarNewbie Jeff

        “…but it’s not the answer for American society as a whole”

        You are, of course, exactly right. But I gave up on American society. Beyond the American progressive dystopia, there is still a life… and opportunity. A good buddy of mine worked in Chisinau, Moldova. He said: women were almost universally attractive, slim, and functional adults while most of the men were dysfunctional drunks who behaved like cavemen. An American guy with some sense of how to treat women absolutely cleans up there…

        Poland is affordable, beautiful, modern but linked to the old world, and the women are breathtaking. Lots of Army buddies married their German girlfriends. Another buddy of mine is marrying a Costa Rican woman, they’ll probably end up there. Another married a Latvian. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but it won’t be in the US, and it won’t be with an American woman. No offense to anyone who’s married to an American… I’m sure you love and appreciate your wives. But reality is what it is…

        Reply
        • AvatarPanzer

          This 1000x.
          I thought I was gonna break my neck checking out all the girls walking by on the street in Krakow in 2013

          Reply
      • AvatarDan

        You don’t have to replace all of them. Just bring in enough to fix the market conditions that poisoned them.

        6 mmbpd of North American fracking in a 100 mmbpd market fixed the oil crisis.

        Reply
      • Avatarroamer

        It’s an incomplete answer. To make it work, we also have to export American women, to enlighten the unwoke males of the world. Given how much many of them decry America, I have no doubt many of them would volunteer. We should obviously start in the Mideast, where there’s the greatest need for enlightenment.

        Reply
        • Avatarstingray65

          I like your idea roamer – its time that the US started to get some return from all the foreign aid given to unwoke countries by making further aid contingent on them taking and keeping a few million woke young American women.

          Reply
    • AvatarCJinSD

      The funny thing is that I recently had this conversation with a guy who is the poster child for taking advantage of hypergamy. He’s 6’1″, close to fifty but still looks like a college student, born to unsquanderable advantages, and a complete shape-shifter when it comes to values. His father was the ‘dean of ethics’ at a top business school when we were kids, even as he was using his kids as mercenaries while contentiously divorcing his first wife in favor of a woman who split the difference between Hillary Clinton and Willie Brown’s ho as a human being. He still came to the conclusion that only foreign women were worth dating, probably after his second century of the best that the Los Angeles and Portland dating scenes had to offer.

      Reply
    • Avataryossarian

      maybe i’m the exception that proves the rule. i married a non-american woman who tortures me with inconsistent feminist drivel that drives me crazy. she says i’m a caveman because i don’t make dinner. when i tell her that i will make dinner when she gets a job, she calls me an a**hole. who needs this? i dream of following john goodman’s advice in the gambler.

      “You get up two and a half million dollars, any asshole in the world knows what to do, you get a house with a 25 year roof, an indestructible Jap economy shit box, you put the rest into the system at 3-5% to pay your taxes, and that’s your base, get me?
      That’s your fortress of fucking solitude.
      That puts you for the rest of your life at the level of Fuck You.
      Someone wants you to do something, Fuck You!
      Your boss pisses you off, Fuck You!
      Own your house, have a couple of bucks in the bank. Don’t drink.
      That’s all I have to say to anybody at any social level.”

      Reply
  9. AvatarCitationMan

    The women I knew in the corporate world who finally realized it was all slipping away from them after they hit their late thirties and were still unmarried, were more dangerous than cornered animals. Harsh but true.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      The stereotypical middle aged man who finally realizes he isn’t going to be a billionaire CEO or sports star goes out and buys a sports car and a gym membership to attract a younger trophy date/wife during his mid-life crisis, what is the equivalent behavior for a moderately successful middle aged single woman who realizes her youthful good looks are gone and isn’t likely to find an alpha male to marry and have kids with?

      Reply
        • Avatarstingray65

          Sleeping with a married man is nothing particularly unique to middle-aged single women. I was single for a long time, and one peculiar thing I noticed that has been backed up by research, is that whenever I was in a semi-serious dating relationship I had a lot more attractive women showing interest in me than when I was alone and totally available despite my never changing height, looks, personality, income, and job status. In that way, women are much like dogs, who seldom show interest in a toy until some other dog shows interest in it.

          Reply
  10. AvatarMental Ward

    “ That’s what they took from me. From us…”

    Gods honest truth, never wanted it. I watched my Dad like yours, work 70-80 hour weeks, 6 Days a week. As a teen, I learned not to speak to him for an hour after he got home from work.

    Respected, Church Deacon, a variety of boats that rare saw water and dirt bikes that languished in the basement. Always eyeing the next house, promotion and before it was cool, always the top of the line 4×4 that would never get dirty.

    Before I could verbalize it, before I understood purpose, masculinity and fulfillment, I knew what I didn’t want and I didn’t want that. I was also born in 71 and the lives I saw men leading held no interest to me.

    “ Understand, please, that I would give up everything I have to be that person…”

    I am genuinely sorry you’re dream was taken. But it sounds like a nightmare. I’ve seen it firsthand, and my fathers destiny was not the same as yours. He’s physically broken, the result of lifetime of the habits expected of him. My 50 year old self could better his 40 year olds in every measure.

    Before it had a name, the title of this piece, those were the men I admired. My neighbor Mike with a great collection of firearms, a collection of sailboats he actually had to replace because he wore them out. A 68 Mustang GT that I would often here boiling the rears late at night. Family friends with Corvettes, or jet boats. My Uncle who left a good job and started his own company at a pay cut so he could do what he wanted. He bought a then worthless piece of lakefront property and built an epic playground where his son and grandchildren now live.

    I don’t bicycle like you, I only do it to augment my ability to do the other things I enjoy. But the rest of it? Yeah, I’m good, quite good actually, and my toys aren’t half as cool as yours.

    Yes, I missed my window for children, fate closed it early. While that gives me pause, the alternative of making one because it was expected only to alienate it, possibly resent their existence as I am forced to support the family? Pass. Got a front row seat of that growing up.

    Narcissistic? Probably. But none of my DNA is walking around full of rage, unfulfilled and feeling cheated.

    Yes. Right at 6ft, but you could count my partners on your fingers and I am coming up on 20 years of marriage. Not particularly handsome and I met this one while I was unemployed.

    You call it perpetual adolescence, but I will pass any litmus test of ‘manhood,’ from that world or this one. I do and have done what I needed to do. Both for myself and society. I’m not a child and will happily stack my list of accomplishments and abilities against anyone who claims I am.

    No one stole my adulthood. I built it myself. Nuclear family? Go Your Own Way?
    The issue arises not from our current state, but from allowing others to define who we are supposed to be.

    Reply
  11. AvatarJeff Weimer

    Regarding my comment earlier, I have a caveat: I found an American woman after I left Japan who is perfect for me, and me for her. We understand what it takes to take care of each other, and she’s not particularly beholden to feminist dogma, she’s far too practical for that. For example – she was working when we met, but for a number of years she was a housewife only because that was both best for our children (I was in the Navy and deployed often) and economically advantageous at the time – cost of daycare for 3 kids (plus other job related expenses) would have cost *more* than her income.

    22+ years and 3 well-adjusted children so far.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      I am so pleased to hear of your success and happiness with your family life Jeff (and thank you for your service). The problem with feminist dogma is that too many women find out it is a lie only after it is too late for them to start a family, or only after they finally “settle” and find that having and being a reliable/supportive partner and having kids brings a lot more happiness and satisfaction than almost any “career” or “independence”. The problem for men is that taking a chance on marriage to a woman who still clings to feminist dogma with the hope that she “sees the light” after some time together and kids is the sad fact that 80% of divorces are initiated by women and family law is heavily pro-feminist as in the man’s money is “ours to be divided” and the woman’s money is hers as are the choices on children custody.

      Reply
      • AvatarNewbie Jeff

        “…the man’s money is “ours to be divided” and the woman’s money is hers…”

        Excellent point. This alone has motivated me to avoid marriage, even when the potential was there with my previous girlfriends. It’s almost insane to willfully become legally entangled with someone who would have that much leverage in a court room over your assets and future earnings, especially if one day they just decide to wreck your life on a whim. I work with a lot of divorced men in their 50’s and early 60’s, and they have horror stories… a common theme is that the wife cheats, they get a divorce, he loses the house and half his military retirement while paying alimony. Meanwhile, she’s got a revolving door of boyfriends, but never gets married so as to keep “what’s hers” coming… I’m stubborn and usually learn things the hard way, but a constant stream of divorce nightmares made this lesson stick…

        Reply
  12. AvatarRonnie Schreiber

    I’ve been watching videos by red-pilled black men like Kevin Samuels and Greg Adams. Apparently, one reason why so many black kids grow up without fathers in their lives is because a lot of black women hold off marrying till they find a “high value man” but in the meantime are willing to have children with men they won’t marry because they don’t see them as “high value”. Then they find themselves in their 30s, a single mom with two kids, and they get bitter because actual high value men aren’t looking to marry single moms in their 30s with two kids (putting aside that the moms in question are now 5’4″ and 250#). They’ve completely bought into the you-go-girl, yas queen, bring-a-lot-to-the-table, women of all sizes are beautiful mentality and don’t understand how men in general and successful men in particular actually think. They’re looking for younger, prettier women, with whom they can have their own families, or hot 9s and 10s they can bed in the meantime. There are a lot of 6s approaching the wall who ignore reality. Anything less than a high value man is “settling” in their eyes, so should we be surprised when she eventuallys cheats on and/or sexually cuts off her beta provider?

    Have you heard of the Triple Six Standard? That’s a guy who is at least six foot tall, has six pack abs (or is packing more than 6 inches) and makes at least six figures a year. Note how men have no control over their height and length.

    A lot of women also seem to have unreasonable expectations about how large an income you need to have a family. Only 8% of American men make six figure or larger incomes. In most of the country you can live quite nicely on less than $100K/yr.

    Surveys show that 80% of American women won’t even consider dating a man who is shorter than 5’8″ tall.

    I was chatting with a woman on an adult site and she asked me how tall I was, so I said, “5’6″, how much do you weigh?” Do I have to tell you what her reaction was? The thing is, I have no control over my height (or dick size).

    It seems that many women today want men who meet certain physical standards over which they have no control, while refusing to adjust their controlable behaviors to meet men’s standards.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      I guess its a generational thing, but another controllable thing that I find very unattractive are large visible tattoos. I have to question the judgment of a woman who spends a lot of money making herself less attractive with ink. I also hate pink or green hair, but at least those are easily reversible. Thus there is the increasing phenomenon of fat tattooed (bonus for lots of piercings) youngish women with bright green hair, and if you are really lucky with a few kids from several different fathers (another sign of fine judgement), and a $100K in debt for her degree in hating men (a good indicator of economic good sense), who thinks she deserves one of those triple 6s, but complains that men are just too shallow and intimidated to “step up to the plate”. And her distorted view of reality is reinforced by an entire media industry devoted to promoting single moms as perfect dating/marriage material with a lot to offer any man who passes her high standards, which is why so many end up being supported by Uncle Sam.

      Reply
      • AvatarCJinSD

        Tattoos on women indicate incurable venereal diseases. They don’t disfigure themselves intentionally until they’re already broken, unless they’re so stupid that you don’t want them carrying your seed anyway.

        Reply
      • AvatarRonnie Schreiber

        I’ve known guys with full sleeves and neck tats who won’t date women with anything more than a butterfly on their behind.

        Obviously it’s a matter of taste but I’ve never seen an attractive woman whose looks were improved by large tattoos. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a woman with oddly colored hair (pink, green, blue etc.) who would otherwise be described as attractive. They’re usually aesthetically challenged in more than one way, often obese. For what it’s worth, I’m old enough to remember platinum blondes and I’m not a fan of that look either. I guess I prefer the natural look when it comes to hair.

        I just thought of something weird. We live in an age where young women want to shave their pubes but not their armpits or legs. Go figure.

        Reply
      • AvatarCompaq Deskpro

        I like tattoos, I think women usually look good with them. Piercings are meh but I wouldn’t complain. Fake lips and breasts on the other hand, yuck, no thank you.

        Reply
      • Avatardanio

        “I have to question the judgment of a woman who spends a lot of money making herself less attractive with ink. I also hate pink or green hair,”

        In nature, many creatures evolved bright colors to signify toxicity.

        Reply
      • AvatarCarmine

        Tattoos are awful on women, but in general, they suck on everyone and are the worse possible waste of your hard earned dollars I can imagine……

        Reply
        • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

          I am fairly convinced by the people who say that tattoos are a substitute for scars, and that they largely embody a dispirited desire to be unique among people who understand, at the core of things, that there is little to nothing unique about them.

          Insofar as I am scarred from head to toe, perhaps that is why I never felt the need for tattoos.

          Reply
          • Avatar-Nate

            Interesting idea jack .

            People want to belong to their herd above all else, I got one tattoo when I was riding Harleys, it was a foolish thing to do but so what ? .

            Skin art can be pretty cool IMO, a lot of it is just silly as jail house tats .

            -Nate

          • AvatarTFKADG

            One of your best trolls, IMHO, was posting Theodore Dalrymple’s piece on tattoos from the New Criterion on the Rock & Roll Confidential message board. The subsequent butthurt registered on the Richter Scale.

          • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

            The collapse of that board, and the protracted mental illness / co-dependency of its founder, is one of Internet history’s great tragedies.

          • AvatarCJinSD

            You think that’s a good troll from Jack? Now he’s got a video of Jason Cammisa shilling for EVs on the Hagerty Classic Car Insurance website. That’s like hiring Piers Morgan to write op-eds for the NRA.

          • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

            I dont know how much more explicit I can be about this, but: Hagerty Videos featuring Cammisa, Farah, Magnus Walker, and similar people are undertaken by a different department and different crew. My opinion is not solicited before the choices are made, I have no power to alter them, and their direction is in no way similar to, informed by, of even conscious of what we do on the website.

          • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

            If I sound touchy on the topic, it’s because i hear about it ALL.THE. TIME.

            🙂

      • AvatarDaniel J

        Whether a man likes tattoos on a woman from a purely aesthetical point of view is a man’s preference.

        However, there seems to be lots of huge assumptions going on about women who have tattoos or lots of them, and disliking these women from those assumptions.

        It’s kinda like women who judge men for the car they drive stereotype. Around here, if you drive certain cars the women assume the man is somehow hiding his manhood, if you know what I mean. Where the guy might be hung like a horse and just likes sports cars?

        I’ve met women with tattoos, and lots of them, anywhere from extremely damaged to normal women who just love tattoos.

        Reply
    • AvatarWill

      The modern woman is delusional, entitled, spoiled, arrogant and for the most part, incredibly boring. Yet, they think they’re interesting because they think they’re oppressed. American women have no idea what oppression really is.

      Reply
      • AvatarNewbie Jeff

        “Yet, they think they’re interesting because they think they’re oppressed. American women have no idea what oppression really is”

        Bingo. Couldn’t have said it any better. Instead of growing up being showered in adulation and societal favoritism, most foreign women experience at least some type of real adversity. My current girlfriend remembers communist Poland as a child… She remembers the only Barbie doll she got as a child, mostly because of the hoops her father had to go through to get a Barbie doll. Ask any American woman if she grew up with only one Barbie doll…

        The difference is perspective. That’s what has made dating foreign women such a better experience, at least for me. It’s not that I take advantage of women who are less fortunate, it’s that they have a genuine appreciation for your efforts to do nice things for them… which – shocker – makes you want to do nice things for them.

        Reply
      • AvatarDaniel J

        I don’t think comparing oppression is entirely useful. By that measure, the oppression of the Americas before the revolution wasn’t that bad, right?

        I’m not convinced the type of women portrayed in “Leave it to Beaver” or Carol Brady in the “Brady Bunch” are exactly the perfect choice either. I saw that first hand and what I noticed was that the wife had no way of understanding what a man goes through while working on a career and at the same time the man has no idea what the wife goes through raising kids all day. These people were fairly miserable by the time their kids moved out.

        We ended up springing too far in the other direction except Men weren’t too keen on the demands of the modern woman.

        I think we’d eventually moderate on some level. I think its helpful in a relationship that both have had to work and get educated at some level, and ultimately a group decision on who becomes the bread winner and who becomes the homemaker. Obviously in most households that has to be both.

        What Jack is talking about I think only occurs with women who exist in a very small minority, and much are vocal on social media. Most single women are too busy trying to just survive. Only about 35 percent of women have gone to college, Do they want the fairytale man? Sure. Is it attainable? Maybe, maybe not. My guess is that the one’s who hold out on all these dating apps are far more miserable than the one’s who recognize their stock, find a man ( some might call settling ), and live out happily.

        I’ve also noticed that in some ways feminism is eating itself. Women are choosing to stay at home and are vocal that feminism should be about choice. These women are heavily criticized for choosing traditional roles since “real” feminism means women working in corporate jobs or running their own business. The women choosing traditional roles fire back, that feminism is and always was about choice and not about defiance.

        Reply
  13. AvatarIce Age

    Several years ago, I was visiting a friend during Christmas. This friend has a soon-to-be-teenaged daughter with his ex-wife, and they share custody. On holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, she has to cut her time with him (or her mother) short so she can run over to her other parent’s home and spend time with them. As I watched her play with her Christmas gifts and then get ready for her dad to drive her over to her mother’s house an hour away, I made a decision. I will not put myself in a position of messing up another human being’s life just because I’m lonely and want a wife. I couldn’t do that to a kid.

    I’m a terrible judge of character when it comes to women, and I know it. I have my own personality flaws of course, and for various reasons I just can’t see being able to make a marriage work. As much as I might not like being single, I want to end up a divorced dad even less. Flying solo only messes with MY life. I can live with it. Hell, I’ve been along so long it doesn’t hurt anymore. But breaking up one’s marriage, especially because one chose poorly, is infinitely worse. Especially for the kids.

    It’s the same cost-benefit analysis I use as a justification for not joining the bomb squad.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      I’ve heard many similar statements regarding concern for the welfare of children from men who have been scarred by the divorce of parents, family members, or friends. I’ve never heard such a statement of personal concern from women who in this age of cheap, effective, and readily available birth control somehow manage to “accidently” get pregnant regularly and, if they don’t thoughtlessly abort them, usually think they are doing society a great favor in raising another emotionally and economically scarred generation of kids as a single mom. At best I’ve heard women say it wouldn’t be fair to have kids because of climate change, or because of orange man bad, but never because they couldn’t be very confident of providing them with a stable loving two parent household.

      Reply
    • AvatarDaniel J

      I don’t know your exact situation, but this is just a perspective.

      My father and mother by the time I was 10 pretty much resented each other. They pretty much made the decision to stay together for us. By the time I got to about 15 my parents always argued and were pretty miserable. I left to go to college because I couldn’t stand to be around them. Individually it was ok, but there was no living with them. I could have saved a butt load on school if I would have stayed home. By the time I got out of college they were just two friends living in the same house. They actually got along to some degree, but both romantically were miserable. They wouldn’t divorce because neither could afford to really live on their own and in some ways, seemed happy that way.

      I guess the point of all that, is from my experience as a child, I would have much preferred that they had divorced and found new partners and had been happy. My parents thought they were sacrificing for us by staying together and not moving on, but instead we lived with two parents who didn’t love each other and weren’t happy. I’d imagine that if this experience was far different, I would have or could have had better luck with my own relationships.

      Reply
    • Avatarjc

      “I will not put myself in a position of messing up another human being’s life just because I’m lonely and want a wife. I couldn’t do that to a kid.”

      Well, then, get married but don’t have kids.

      There are several viable birth control technologies available, low cost and high reliability.

      Tarp that load, driver!

      Reply
        • Avatarjc

          Different methods have different rates of reliability.

          Vasectomy correctly done and tubal ligation are as near 100% as makes no difference. If you really don’t want to have children, use one of those. Other methods, properly applied, approach that rate of reliability. Improperly used? Well, then it’s anyone’s guess. But if you can’t be relied on to do that with proper attention and care, well, I can’t help you then.

          No excuses in this day and age for “surprises”.

          Reply
          • Avatareverybodyhatesscott

            Condoms break, BC fails. Yeah, if you never ever want kids, it’s easier to avoid surprises with vasectomy and tubal ligation but even vasectomies sometimes fail. Most surprises are mistiming where vasectomy and tubal ligation aren’t really options.

            The only true birth control. If you don’t want kids, don’t have sex.

          • Avatar-Nate

            “Tarp that load !” – good advice but the fact remains that too many males are afraid to do so .

            “The only true birth control. If you don’t want kids, don’t have sex. ” ~ yeah, right like that’s ever gonna happen .

            I wasn’t wanting to have children and managed to have two, both boys, after I was sandbagged with the second one I simply had a vasectomy, it’s simple, fast and painless and makes NO CHANGE in any way apart from I cannot have any more children .

            For me it was a real relief after being sandbagged twice .

            This isn’t the ‘He Man Women Haters Club’ although it often may appear like it, the plain truth is : many males are _afraid_ of women .

            Sad but true,

            -Nate

  14. Avatar-Nate

    Wow ~ so much to think about here, lots of interesting comments .

    Some of the generalizations are dead bang spot on .

    I’m glad that my ex wife shoved off for other climes, it made my son and I closer .

    I’m 6′ and nothing to look at , I never had any problems getting dates / laid and as men age out there is an ever shrinking male pool so we can be choosy .

    Back when I was playing the field I had to beat the rich women off with a stick ~ once they reach 40 they’re all seemingly willing and interested in keeping me (presumably any man) in a life style they’d soon grow accustom to .

    Me, I don’t like being kept so I’m still out there have fun, riding Motocycles and doing whatever the hell I want to do, when my Sweet calls and needs me or something I trot on over, it’s a great life for me .

    Have heart, go and have fun you’ll meet some woman (maybe _not_ a lady) who’ll make the slow times worth while .

    -Nate

    Reply
    • AvatarCJinSD

      I love a good humble brag. No matter how you want to see yourself, or for others to see you seeing yourself; in my experience women change with the times at a rate that fashion houses and advertising executives can only dream of. People are individuals, but I’ve been to huge parties involving negligees and bouncy houses that were held by women who were aging pharmaceutical reps where there were no individuals in evidence. I suspect that these same women were rather more interesting as people at twenty-three years old than forty years old, but that could just be because I found them more interesting when I was twenty three. The biological clocks were deafening when they were hovering around forty, but none of those women warned the ones who followed that feminism was a death march. Instead they talked about 77 cents on the dollar and how essential it was for every woman except them to help other women.

      I used to date those delightful ladies until they figured out I was never going to propose. I guess it was cynical on my part, but none of them were wife material. Typically, they’d killed every healthy baby they’d ever carry and they held political views compatible with genocide. I remember one of them saying, “I love you, but I’m worried that we disagree about so many important things.” I told her that I had faith in her that she would realize that I’m right about everything. I did not actually have any faith in the quality of her reasoning. If I had any belief that this country would survive the Democrats selling us out to the Chinese after farming imbeciles for a hundred years, I’d be upset that the women who followed the careerists of Generation X are so much worse. Most Millennials I’ve met recently lack the moral fiber required to make decent trophy wives. They don’t understand anything about social contracts, only that their immediate gratification shouldn’t inspire judgement from those they’re dependent on. Good times, as long as your highest relationship goals are modeled after James Bond movies from the ’60s.

      Reply
  15. AvatarJim

    The lifestyle you seek, every bit of it except the drunk driving, is available in 2021 America. It’s the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. aka the Mormons. 5 kids, stay at home wife, fraternal organizations, serious adulthood.

    I’d rather take my chances with the current environment.

    Reply
    • AvatarKevin Jaeger

      Quite true. The last vestiges of a functioning religious society in America are in Utah.

      It’s about the only place that doesn’t really reflect the realities described in Charles Murray’s book “Coming Apart”.

      Reply
      • AvatarRonnie Schreiber

        Orthodox Jews also do a fairly successful job giving their kids their values, with about 90% following in their parents’ path. One advantage that Mormons and serious Jews have is that their communities have strong traditions of keeping their faith despite being considered pariahs by society.

        Reply
        • Avatar-Nate

          I’d consider the Jews doing a far better job that the Mormons ~ they instill a serious work ethic and self reliance, not the need to bury guns in the back yard and make bug out kits….

          -Nate

          Reply
  16. AvatarGene B

    What is the meaning of life? Is it to maximize pleasure and fun, or to use this time to learn who God is? And how do we do that? How do we learn to love? Through endless self indulgence or self-sacrifice? These truths have always been known; it is only now that people can indulge themselves through massive and unrestrained temptation – everything is available and for pennies. What do we do with our time? Do we live like there will be a day of judgement? Does anyone care anymore?

    Reply
  17. AvatarMike

    It took me some time, but I met a great woman. She was most of a decade younger than me, and she was a born Mid-westerner who was raised in the South. I think once you get away from the coasts, the women tend to be a bit more “real”, if you know what I mean. She has a couple of small tattoos, but nothing obnoxious. Came from a good family upbringing, educated but not uppity about her education. I get along with her parents as well as I do mine.

    I was picky, dated on and off, and didn’t get married till I was in my mid-thirties. Spent a good deal of my 20’s celibate not exactly by choice. Patience is a virtue. We now have 2 healthy, spirited children, whom she stays at home with (homeschooling, too) and our own home. I could buy a green Caddy if I wanted one, but I prefer my sporty manual hatchback.

    Reply
    • Avatar-Nate

      Careful Mike ;

      The envious here will try to claim you’re bragging .

      I went my own way, who else should care ? .

      If you (anyone) give a care what I do, you’re sad & pathetic .

      -Nate

      Reply
  18. AvatarWidgetsltd

    I can see why the guys would want the sort of 1960’s-70’s “man’s world” for which Jack advocates. But, given the option, would an American woman in her 30’s through 50’s go for it? I have reason to believe that the married women of Gen-X have come to realize that a career AND parenting is not quite the slam-dunk deal that they were sold. They saw their mothers’ loneliness, isolation, boredom, alcoholism, etc. Would they choose the same for themselves? It’s not a bed of roses to be home with the kids all day and missing a workaholic (best case) or playboy (worst case) father in the evenings.

    Reply
    • Avatarstingray65

      Most studies suggest that women were on average much happier in the “man’s world” days than they are in recent times when they have no legal or norm restrictions on their life choices. Apparently the grass wasn’t greener on the other side of the fence.

      Reply
    • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

      You can argue that starting in the Victorian era we saw deliberate, and largely successful, attempts to improve family life spanning the course of ninety years. These efforts ranged from the provision of affordable single-family homes to increased social taboos for public drunkenness.

      Starting in 1975, we just stopped all of that to focus on persuading people to stay single and sexy and carefree.

      Could we have improved family life, and women’s satisfaction with it, as much between 1975 and today as we did between 1930 and 1975? If so, that should be the benchmark for comparison, not what we remember about the one family on the street where the dad threw the kids down the stairs for not having their shoes lined up in the closet.

      Reply
      • Avatarstingray65

        In 1975 I was being terrified in grade school by the Club of Rome film “Limits to Growth” that showed fancy computer simulations predicting that we were all on the verge of dying from over-population and running out of oil. Newsweek magazine had cover stories about how climate scientists were predicting the imminent arrival of another ice-age that would kill most life on earth, and environmentalists were telling us that Lake Erie was permanently dead from water pollution. Then we had the Doomsday clock that the union of Atomic Scientists set a few strokes from midnight predicting the imminent death of the planet due to a massive nuclear strike between the USSR and USA. Why have a family if the world is about to end?

        Reply
        • Avatar-Nate

          Don’t feel too bad they scared the shit out of use kiddies in 1958 too….

          Fallout shelters (“The Boom-Boom Room”) and lots of other crap that we’d never get to use if there was an actual nuclear strike ~ the rich got richer and the rest of us were controlled by fear .

          Eisenhower was dead right about the military industrial complex .

          -Nate

          Reply
  19. AvatarShocktastic

    I’m definitely married to an alpha female. I have no problem with that. I’m alpha too so when we fight things get volcanic. All of my exes are attorneys or surgeons. My looks have faded along with my hairline so my barber is now named Bic. But being tall and working at hospitals means wading through a herd of toxic females (And some males) in heat. I much prefer to work with lesbians because I know they’re not interested in me and I’m not with them so we can get sh”t done. I do worry about my sons in the crazy-cuck world we live in but we’ve worked really hard to prepare them for the strange world they will inherit. My wife and we’re doing some fantasy stuff and she crated a seekingarrangment profile for me. Whoa – I recognized work colleagues from identifiable tattoos. Why an internal medicine doc has to sell her body means med school is THAT expensive or she just has bdsm streak; it was extra-astonishing because she is really good at what she does. Thank you Jack for hosting this site and running a place where sane people can vent. Thank you also for the What If? on H@gerty your contributor makes some awesome Photoshoppery.

    Reply
  20. AvatarCJinSD

    I took a glance at Seeking Arrangements. There are 8,772,014 coed prostitutes advertising their wares at the moment, out of a college coed population of less than twelve million. The Boomers certainly carried the ball for evil as far as they could go, but those of us in Generation X have to bear some burden for raising a bunch of hookers and using a website to rent our peers’ daughters.

    Two years ago, I moved to Virginia Beach and renewed some ties to friends from my college days who have been here working their way up through the federal government as engineers for decades. One of my friends just went through divorce number three, and this marriage was short enough that he never lost his ties to the seedy world of VB singles. I’ve been amazed at times by the incredible percentage of women I’ve met here who are or have been engaged in some sort of sex work. I’ve met cam-girls, strippers, cuckolding participation trophy wives, and girls with drug habits they pay for through bartering. I thought there must be something inherently flawed in the way I meet women here, but maybe it’s just because that’s what is out there.

    Reply
  21. Avatar-Nate

    This shit is -so- funny ~

    The only braggart here is Jack (and rightly so), he’s leading you alls and you don’t even get it .

    Don’t be so afraid of women ~ if you run into a karen (you will) just ignore her or kick her stupid ass to the curb and move on .

    -Nate

    Reply
  22. AvatarKenny Rogers

    as always, a thought provoking & merciless article on the evolving human condition.

    good comments too; albeit mostly ( all?) male

    I just checked in, to see what condition my condition was in…

    Reply
  23. Avatartrollson

    What are your thoughts on chain tensioners? Aesthetically they’re pretty ugly IMO, but functionally they make sense and save the dropouts from getting chewed up. They seem like they would also keep the axle in place when mighty power is applied to the cranks.

    Reply
    • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

      I’m now old and feeble enough that I won’t slip a properly torqued texture bolt on clean steel. On a painted frame, like my Chromag Monk, I still need tensioners. I’ve been running them since I was fourteen, but I haven’t broken a tensioner since GWB was running the show.

      Reply
      • Avatartrollson

        I’ve honestly never come across them back in the day, so I’ve been hesitant to use them on classic frames. Maybe they were only on high end stuff back then, or maybe I just never paid enough attention.

        Reply
        • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

          First time I used a tensioner was probably 1987. At that point they were stamped-steel with an eyelet bolt. With a season of hard gate starts I could bend that stamped-steel channel. Around 1995 you started to see integrated tensioners and milled-aluminum tensioners. With some of those my problem has been them actually slipping off the back end of the dropout. The best ones have a milled channel.

          JW makes very nice tensioners right here in Ohio: https://www.instagram.com/jwcnc/?hl=en

          Reply

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