Weekly Roundup: Cripples In Space Edition


No, that’s not a super-cool guitar strap featuring the OG Space Invaders on the outside and LIME GREEN on the inside. It’s what’s called a ‘gait belt’. Crippled people and the elderly use them to safely position limbs during transport. It was a very thoughtful gift, but it’s not exactly cheering to need it. “Alright, Invaders — let’s get this leg in the tub and then DESTROY THE WORLD!”

Oh well. Could be worse. As some of you know, Magnus Walker lost his wife two days ago. I didn’t think that fellow was capable of having bad luck. But what did they say on Dune? Fortune passes everywhere. Here’s hoping Magnus finds a way to deal with his sorrow and move forward.

Alright, let’s see what we have for you, the loyal and exceptionally discerning reader, this week.

After teaming up with “Mental” Ward on both the R&T team and our RX-7 effort for last weekend’s AER race, Bark collaborates with the Sky Pilot himself one more time, in a quick piece on what you need to know before going racing.

You can also find Bark on TTAC this week, relating a dismal Z-car rental experience and wondering about the future of Nissan.

At R&T, I took a look at the Cadillac ATS-V and placed this 464-horsepower, Camaro-platform rocketship in its proper context: next to the 1979 Eldorado, of course.

For the end of the week, I tried to share with you the reasons I keep racing even though I don’t always win.

This week on TTAC, I did what ended up being a two-part “No Fixed Abode” about the idea of the Universal American car: both Part 1 and Part 2 take their titles from the same Fiona Apple song. This was a bit of an experiment on my part, to see the the Best&Brightest at TTAC would prefer to approach my long-form opinion pieces a thousand words at a time instead of all at once. In this case, at least, the evidence wasn’t overwhelming in either direction.

If you follow Bark on Instagram (@barkm302) you know he had a rather fascinating week, so make sure to check R&T in the upcoming weeks for more news on that. As for me — I’m on bed rest for the next six weeks. It’s the kind of bed rest where I still go to work. More like a “fun rest” where I need to rest from doing anything enjoyable.

One last thing: If you were amused by the shirt I’m wearing in the trophy-presentation picture on R&T, definitely check out my friend Matt Grayson and his very own Rolling Heavy Magazine. You won’t regret it. Matt started getting hardcore into vans when he almost lost his leg in a motorcycle accident. I’m wondering if I should follow him. At the very least, follow Matt on Instagram and see all the great photos of the tatted-up alt-models wearing his “Vanties” and whatnot.

There’s something cruel about the fact that I was born too late to really enjoy the Seventies but too early to enjoy the West Coast Seventies revival. Oh well. At least I have my Space Invaders cripple belt!

13 Replies to “Weekly Roundup: Cripples In Space Edition”

  1. jz78817

    I thought Bark’s piece about Nissan was both amusing and appropriate. Mostly because I couldn’t agree more. the last Nissan I drove was a Versa in Nashville several years ago (Ford Edge media drive, I met you there) and all I could think was “Ok, so everyone thinks the Dodge Caliber is terrible, but somehow this piece of shit is a good buy?” I swear, the headliner and carpet looked like dyed, compressed burlap, and trying to drive it on Nashville freeways was nerve-wracking.

  2. jstyer

    I met Magnus and Karen last November. They were both incredibly generous when I showed up at their home unannounced and uninvited. I can’t imagine losing my wife, definitely sending prayers his way.

    On a lighter note, there’s no rules against turning it into a kick ass guitar strap once you return to good health…

    • Domestic Hearse

      Palm inward (to the signee) it is indeed ye olde two finger salute made famous by Steve McQueen. And the British and Welsh archers of the Hundred Years War. Or at least that’s what my British friends claim.

      Palm outward (with back of hand to the signee) it is sign language for the number two, or the “peace” sign.

      I see the back of Jack’s hand, which means he’s slyly referencing the movie LeMans, or he is indeed telling someone to bugger off. If it’s the latter, I think we all would like to know more about the back story.

  3. Gert Frobe's Body Double

    In answer to your question in the Periscope Drunk Driving piece, yes, millennial girls have a kinesthetic selfie sense and can frame a shot every bit as well as a grizzled IDF commando can seat an Uzi mag. Unsurprisingly, an instinct ingrained at such a furtive, base level is still functioning when crunk.

  4. VolandoBajo

    FWIW Jack, you didn’t really miss out that much during the Seventies…except for maybe a bit of danceable “new wave” music. The party was much better in the prior decade.

    And when I was 21 or 22 and sixteen to twenty year olds were starting to appear in the popular media of the time, partying like there was no tomorrow, I honestly thought that I had been born to early to really get in on the great generational party that was brewing.

    I was obviously dead wrong, but I was also dead certain at the time.

    The best party in general is the one you just found, or are in the midst of creating, not the one you hope will happen again some time, or that you feel already happened before you got there.

    Sort of like the surfing equivalent of the perennial line “but you should have seen it yesterday!”, which is what is almost universally said, and almost always with irony.

    The best wave, or the best party, is the one you are hooking up with right now.

    I really like both the Space Invaders design and the cool lime green.

    I once liked lime green so much that when my family moved to FL when I was thirteen, I was told I could pick out the color of my own bedroom. I immediately went for the limiest green you have ever seen. Only problem was that when the entire room was that color, it was overwhelming, especially since it was closer to the dark green that true lime green is. Fortunately, the painter agreed to tone it down with the second coat.

    For your bone and ligament healing, check out a Chinese liniment, NOT the ubiquitous Tiger Balm, which is wax-based and will clog your pores, causing you to end up scraping your skin. Instead look for Zheng Gu Shui, by Yulin Pharmacy in mainland Chna, available in almost every Chinese grocery store and drug store. Less than ten bucks a bottle. Don’t get it in open wounds or in eyes, or other mucus membranes.

    Otherwise, very soothing, and taken from a very old Chinese herbal remedy…about ten herbs, all listed on the label.

    Everyone who has ever tried it on my recommendation has sworn by it as a way to heal faster and hurt less without needing as much pain Rx. YMMV and IANA MD, but I will swear that you will be glad you tried it if you do. And no, I have no $ connection with it whatsoever…just something that will help you heal faster. Try it, as a friend to a friend.

    If I was nearer by, I would run a bottle over to you. And if you can’t find it, let me know. You have my email address. I will find you a bottle and send it if you can’t find a Chinese grocery store somewhere along the Scioto (or wherever it is that you are, in OH).

      • VolandoBajo

        Just so you understand why I have faith in recommending this (and not in a failed attempt to join the eagles of the human race status 😉 ), here is the back story of it.

        Years ago, when in NYC, I studied both aikido and tai chi, and had two teachers who were strong in both.

        The first was Lou Kliensmith, RIP, a direct student of Prof. Cheng, the originator of modern tai chi, and the second was his direct student, Bob Lumish, also RIP. Bob survived via his work with Head start, but his real occupation was the study of classical Chinese, in order to translate ancient works on philosophy, martial arts and Chinese medicine.

        The average Chinese college graduate supposedly has a vocabulary of 4,000 +/- pictograms, but Bob had studied until he had attained a vocabulary that, including archaic terms, was in excess of 40,000 pictograms, so he was well suited to translate such works as The Yellow Emperor’s Classic of Chinese Medicine, a compendium of everything that was known about medicine in China some four to five thousand years ago.

        And when I suffered an injury that wasn’t helped much with Tiger Balm (wax buildup leading to severe itching), he told me that there was a better remedy in The Yellow Emperor’s Classic, and that it could be purchased over the counter in Chinatown.

        It since has done really good things for a large variety of friends with a large variety of muscle, bone and ligament problems, with absolutely no negative feedback.

        So that is why I am confident in recommending it to you. Just be sure that if you share it with anyone, that you warn them about keeping it out of open wounds and mucus membranes, including the eyes.

        While I don’t recommend it, I did accidentally splash a small drop in one eye one time. Rinsed it thoroughly and considered, then rejected the idea of going to the hospital, when I saw that it was clearing up normally. But it is a powerful liniment.

        One of the reasons I like it is that it takes the sharp edge off of most pains, but still leaves enough feeling that you are still warned before you make a motion that might aggravate the injury.

        Hope it works as well for you as it has for the many friends I have recommended it to. I even considered, for a brief time, becoming a modern snake oil salesman, and flogging this stuff at a nice markup. But I decided it woulld be better for my karma to just share it freely.

        One side note, I have a rare form of dandruff, the oily type. Nowhere near as annoying or obvious as the dry scaly type. Had a barber who recommended lanolin, pure extract from sheep wool. Sold it for about ten bucks and it worked very well. But he said that there was a dermatologist in town who would buy a dozen bottles at a time, and sell them to his patients for in excess of a humdred bucks apiece.

        Which is why and how the cost of medicine goes up and up.

        Wish I had a full copy of Bob’s translation of The Yellow Emperor’s Classic.

        Hope it works well for you, and that you recover quickly.

        One other side note, since i don’t have time to log into TTAC at the moment.

        I understand why you are reluctant to expose John to unnecessary risk, and so carefully limit his exposure in your cars. After all, that was surely a terrible moment to have in your memory, when the TC got T-boned.

        But I have carried my son around with me as often as I could for a bit over two decades, and it has provided the opportunity for some excellent father-son bonding conversations. Plus it has trained him to be an excellent navigator and very cautious and observant driver. Some of the risk I exposed him to by carrying him with me everywhere, I believe has been offset by the opportunity to impart some wisodm to him in other areas.

        Though of course there are some who think that the idea of a father daring to think that he could impart wisdom to his children is a vestige of a patriarchal society that imposes parental will (or tries to) on its children. I mean, the audacity of your brother to think that he might discourage your niece from being a Gator-Getter!

        But since, as Dylan wrote, “You and I have been through that, so let us not speak falsely, the hour is getting late.”


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