Teenage Sleepovers!

freaky

It’s the stuff of bad parody: a woman encouraging her teen-aged daughter to have “sleepovers” at her boyfriend’s house so they can “practice being good at sex”. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in this new millennium, it is that parody can no longer keep up with reality.


The wonderful people (and recreational anti-Semites, sad to say) behind Chateau Heartiste dug up what they call The Demon Mom’s Guide To Parenting earlier this week. I’m just going to excerpt the, ahem, money shots:

3. Remember That Sex Takes Practice
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Imagine if we gave sixteen-year-olds the keys to our cars and told them to go for a spin even though they had never sat behind the wheel before, let alone obtained a license.
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Or consider what would happen if we plopped an eighteen-year-old down in a college calculus class without any math background and expected good grades. Or sent a high school sophomore on stage to perform a violin solo having only showed them a video of a concert at Carnegie Hall.
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We don’t do those things because we know that each takes practice. As a result, it’s understood that teens who want to drive, or take calculus, or play violin should be given the space to learn how to do so before we expect any mastery of the subject.
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But when it comes to sex, we deny children the ability to develop their skills, and then blame them when things don’t go well.
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And while there are ways for kids to practice sex, many teens are forced to do so in secret. This can be the result of parents’ rules. But it also happens because things like looking at porn or sexting are illegal for minors.
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And while such laws are ostensibly designed to protect children, particularly when it comes to sexting, they can do more harm than good.
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As Dr. Peter Cumming, a professor at Toronto’s York University and the coordinator of the university’s children’s studies program has pointed out, “One could argue that in some ways, virtual sexual activities are safer for teens than actual ones: Nobody ever got pregnant or received a sexually transmitted disease directly from an online exchange.”
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4. Allow High Schoolers to Have Sleepovers
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For a lot of American parents, the idea of allowing a teen to have a sleepover with a boyfriend or girlfriend, let alone with a casual hook up, seems either like excessive permissiveness, or actual negligence or harm.
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I know that was something my parents worried about when the issue came up for me as a teen. Ultimately, they let me stay over at my boyfriend’s, but they also made it clear that they were only doing so because they wanted to know where I was.
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We all knew that they were pretty unhappy with the whole situation, and as a result, my return home the mornings after a sleepover were uncomfortable for everyone.
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But in reality, permitting sleepovers with a partner can be one of the healthiest ways to keep teens safe since they are getting to learn about having sex in the security of their own homes – not drunk at a party, in the back of a car, or in a park where things often go terribly awry.
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Plus, sleepovers can also teach important lessons about the healthy sexuality.
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Indeed, in a New York Times article, writer Henry Alford interviewed a few parents who allow teen sleepovers and found that they felt the experience taught their children about responsibility and communication and reinforced the ideas that sexuality didn’t have to be a secret thing hidden from parents.

Not to come off like Wes Siler Derek Zoolander here, but WHAT IS THIS? A SCHOOL FOR PROSTITUTES? What kind of insane woman sends her daughter to sleep over at dudes’ houses so she can become good at sex? What career are you preparing your daughter for if you do that? Wait, I can think of two answers:

prostitute;

exceptionally bitter never-married, middle-aged career-drone sixty-hour-workweek “professional” woman with no children and enough meaningless close encounters in her past to reboot the X-Files.

Now, I can hear what you’re thinking. “Jack, you have no daughters. Instead, you have a son, a son who already loves telling women what to do and touching them semi-inappropriately. How can this new parenting program, which literally delivers nubile teen girls directly to your door for your clone’s convenience, be anything but good?” I’m glad you asked. To begin with, I will be in my early fifties when John is old enough to have these “sleepovers”. And I imagine that, having reached that advanced age, I will be very interested in getting some sleep of my own in the evenings instead of listening to teen girls practice being “good at sex”. In my experience, a woman who thinks she is “good at sex” is primarily good at making a bunch of noises that are only tangentially related to what’s actually happening at the time. I don’t care to have my rest interrupted by that. It would be one thing if I lived in a modern 6,000-square-foot McMansion but I don’t.

Secondly, and more importantly, I am of the somewhat antiquated notion that women with extensive sexual histories find it more difficult to form, and maintain, emotional attachments. Not to mention that you might want one of these women to have a child with you free from the microchimerism thing. I would like to believe that my son will eventually find happiness with a woman who truly loves him and whom he can truly love in return. But if every girl he meets is some sort of Bene Gesserit sexbot who has been vigorously trained in everything from choke-fucking to Tantric principles by a series of porn-educated high-school boyfriends, what are the chances of that? How can either of them learn to take a relationship seriously when they’ve been trained for a decade to take things as casually as possible?

The Last Psychiatrist tells us to look at our watches during the course of a day and see what we’ve actually been training ourselves to do. I suppose I’ve been training myself to be a motorcycle shopper and last-minute gift-giver and Joni-Mitchell-video-watcher. But what are the moral consequences of women teaching themselves to be casual sex partners from the age of thirteen forward? To them, and to us, and to society?

Here’s my take on those consequences: American women will simply stop having children. If they bother to have a kid, it will be one kid right before menopause. This country will disappear before our eyes, replaced by Mexico and Syria and Somalia and China and Eritrea and everywhere else. And all those precious sex-positive liberal principles will be swept away before a tide of religious people whose parents actually had children and taught them a moral belief. My son’s generation will be reviled by these new Americans, who will consider their predecessors on this soil to be perverts and narcissists and infidels. And what will happen to the mind, the soul, of a forty-year-old woman in the year 2050, after twenty-five years of a life that gave the Emperor Nero a run for the money in terms of dissipation and sensuality, when she is forced to don the niqab?

32 Replies to “Teenage Sleepovers!”

  1. AvatarPat

    Despite your warning I followed over to the Chateau, and I think “recreational anti-Semites” is really one of the most profound understatements I’ve run across in a while Jack 🙂

    Reply
    • AvatarDan S

      Jew here: I can’t at all disagree with this, but the overall usefulness of the information one might find there is not to be disregarded because the author of it also happens to think that I’m part of some evil conspiracy, courtesy of my birth.

      Reply
      • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

        The most hilarious part is that some of the commenters think that Mossad is reading, and trolling, the forum.

        Yeah, I’m sure that’s the biggest problem the Jewish state has, is a bunch of guys reading about pickup game.

        Reply
        • AvatarRonnie Schreiber

          For yet another week, the Elders of Zion have failed to send me a check for my share of running the world.

          It’s like I was telling my friend Tory, who is black, racists are so crazy they think he needs a Jewish pimp to get their daughters to screw him.

          I, too, am perplexed by the level of Jew hatred at CH, but then folks with Jews on the brain don’t make sense.

          Reply
  2. Avatararbuckle

    “I would like to believe that my son will eventually find happiness with a woman who truly loves him”

    Yea, good luck with that dude.

    Reply
    • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

      I’ve met probably a dozen women who truly loved me.

      I just *sob* have to learn to love myself *looks up meaningfully*

      Reply
    • Avatar-Nate

      “I would like to believe that my son will eventually find happiness with a woman who truly loves him”

      Yea, good luck with that dude.’
      Notice here :

      Jack didn’t say ‘ I want John to marry a virgin ‘ ~ he said ‘ some Woman who’ll love him and make him happy .’

      Not a lot of ‘ luck ‘ to be needed there unless John turns out to be a bad Man .

      -Nate

      Reply
      • Avatararbuckle

        “Not a lot of ‘ luck ‘ to be needed there unless John turns out to be a bad Man .”

        I’m thinking there’s several decades between us and I might actually be closer to John’s age than I am to yours.

        Maybe I just lack the life experience you have to possess optimism on the whole “true love” thing, but for now let’s just agree to disagree.

        Reply
        • Avatar-Nate

          Arbuckle ;

          Trust me , you _DON’T_ want my ‘ life experience ‘ =8-) .

          I’ve seem so much misery , time and lives wasted , many who know me ask why/how I’m still so cheerful and optimistic ~ I have to be else I’d prolly kill myself .

          That being said , I do believe in contentment and happiness .

          -Nate

          Reply
  3. AvatarBaconator

    Your Madonna/Whore complex is showing. Thinking back to when I was that age, and having sex with a young lady in high school, I think it was *vastly* healthier to have a sleepover that was understood by her parents to be part of a relationship with some love and continuity involved. (My parents, immigrant prudes, would never ever have understood. I was the one lying to them about where I was.)

    The healthiest women I’ve dated have generally had some sort of comfortable not-for-forever but loving boyfriend relationship in which they lost their virginity and had their first sexual experiences. It’s not necessarily about “getting good at sex,” but just having a real relationship in which to have your first experiences. And a real relationship usually is facilitated by actually staying overnight and, you know, having to talk to the other person in the morning. Sober. Which is a marked contrast to furtive couplings at unsupervised parties or in the back seats of cars.

    In earlier days “mainstream America” was horrified at the Guineas, Wops, and Micks that were flowing over our borders, taking our jobs, and having football-team-sized broods of children that they indoctrinated into the weird Papal loyalties of Catholicism. Every generation wants the new people to get off their lawn.

    America’s real problem here is that discipline and future time-orientation in one’s personal life is no longer a particularly good marker of whether you’ll have more financial stability than your parents. But the correlation still hasn’t gone to zero.

    Reply
  4. Avatar-Nate

    =8-) .

    I’m pretty much in Jack’s corner here , having left home at a stupidly early age and made more bad choices than I care to remember .

    I’m also the Father of a nice young (37) Man who I raised pretty much on my own from 12 Y.O. onwards , no bastards , no tattoos , never in any gangs , doesn’t do drugs ,never had to bail him out of jail , so on and so forth .

    When I was about 18 my then young Wife came home and told me about a single mother who’d go bring her 14 year old , cute and precocious Daughter’s boyfriend home to spend the night .

    Un surprisingly things turned out very poorly for the girl , the boy was deliriously happy of course .

    Some folks miss the simple concept that you are your Children’s _Parent_ , not their friend .

    -Nate

    Reply
  5. AvatarPseudoperson Randomian

    Well, I don’t know shit about parenting. But it’s generally true that the “sexbot” people generally have fewer kids, and at a later age. Other cultures tend to marry off people early and have lots of kids.

    But I will say that there have been articles recently saying that kids of immigrant families assimilate and are generally more liberal and normal than their stuck up immigrant parents.

    And I suppose that will continue as long as the PC police don’t ruin the cultural assimilation that has worked so well by screaming “CULTURAL APPROPRIATION” from the rooftops.

    Reply
  6. Avatareverybodyhatesscott

    I’m in my 30’s and I’m still not allowed to have ‘sleepovers’ at my parents house. My gf’s parents are the same way and I’m pretty cool with both of it. If you’re not married, you’re not sleeping in the same bed under their roof. I’ve had friends who did not take kindly to this policy while they were visiting my parents summer home.

    Reply
    • Avataratonge40

      I think that policy is going away. My wife and I never were able to sleep in the same bed at either one of our parents houses, even while engaged and living together. However, I don’t think that’s the norm anymore. Hell, my wife’s parents let my sister in law’s boyfriend live at their house, and sleep in my sister in law’s bed, while he’s on break from grad school.

      (I have daughter and when she’s old enough to date and make bad decisions, her boyfriend won’t be sleeping in her bed, under my roof.)

      Reply
      • AvatarDanio3834

        During a particular rough patch, I recall living in a girlfriend’s parents’ basement for a few months. Just because (especially) because they let me get away with it doesn’t mean I’ll let my daughter bring home strays.

        Reply
        • Avataratonge40

          Her current boyfriend is an okay dude and they’ve been together awhile, so it isn’t a huge deal that he stays there. Personally, I’d let him sleep in the spare bedroom or basement. But not for an indefinite amount of time.

          Being able to sleep in the same bed as your girlfriend while staying at her parents house takes all of the fun out of where, when, and how you are going to f@ck. Where’s the fun and challenge in that?

          One day my daughter will bring home a boy like I was…and she will act exactly like her mother did…

          Reply
  7. AvatarDanio3834

    I have a soon to be 5 year old daughter. I’ll probably procrastinate on confronting this issue until I’m absolutely forced to. If she turns out anything like her mother…

    Reply
    • Avataratonge40

      I’m sure you can already tell if she’s going to be like your wife. My daughter is 3 and I already know how my life will be when she’s a teenager.

      Reply
  8. AvatarVolandoBajo

    Damn, this makes me much less worried about my 21 year old son’s involvement with a 26 y.o. divorcee with two kids, a good job, and supposedly got religion and stopped dating three years ago when her divorce was final.

    After reading this, instead of thinking that she may have some unwanted baggage, I am beginning to think that he may have found a pretty decent woman.

    Neither one of them seems to be the type to try to run up the score just to prove that they have the moxie to do so, and both seem to be serious about wanting a monogamous relationship, so thanks for this enlightening bit of moral decay.

    It truly has helped me to keep a more open mind…after all, it could have been one of those practice til perfect girls mentioned here.

    Reply
  9. AvatarOrenwolf

    I *routinely* had “sleepovers” at my girlfriends, from age thirteen to sixteen. Except, they weren’t sleepovers, they were just evenings of zero to near-zero interruption from parents leading to ample opportunity for sexytime.

    IMHO, made me a better lover in the future, having experimented quite a bit and learned what my partners wanted, and aside from over-attachment issues inherent in nearly *any* emotional/physical attachment, We all appear to be none the worse for wear.

    It’s very North-american-centric of you to believe that religious extremists would deny teenage sexuality. In the Roman Catholic world, 12- and 13- year old marriages were common in the past, and young brides are extremely common all over the world today. If anything the whole “Chastity until 18” thing is wholly a US construct for the most part. In the rest of the free world where sexuality is less of a OMG subject this is most certainly not the case.

    Once again though, I’m saddened that your advice is, again, female-centric – why wouldn’t male promiscuity lead to the same issues? This really does, in the end, seem to be a lot of “Get these new-fangled ideas off my lawn!” sort of stuff AFAIAC. Kids have been having sex throughout human history. I think a lot could be accomplished if we simply stopped treating the entire subject as taboo and worried more about adults co-opting impressionable youth for sex and less about what kids do together, provided they’re being safe about it.

    Sadly, in the latter case, we’ve made access to the tools needed for safe-sex as taboo as needle-sharing programs for some insane reason. At least here in Ontario condoms aren’t behind the counter and clinics will see kids without issue, but I feel for my American neighbours who have to make hormone-filled judgements as kids responsibly without the tools to do right.

    Reply
    • AvatarRonnie Schreiber

      I don’t know how much time you’ve spent here in the States, but the only stores in Michigan that keep condoms behind the counter are gas stations, and that’s to prevent theft. Pharmacies have them out on the shelves. I have to show proof of age to buy alcohol, tobacco and stuff like lighter fluid (it can be used as an inhalent, I guess, for people too stupid to use other drugs), but not to buy condoms.

      Reply
    • Jack BaruthJack Baruth Post author

      “It’s very North-american-centric of you to believe that religious extremists would deny teenage sexuality.”

      There’s plenty of teenage sexuality in the Islamic world, but virtually none of it is voluntary.

      “Once again though, I’m saddened that your advice is, again, female-centric – why wouldn’t male promiscuity lead to the same issues?”

      Men and women are different. It’s true and no amount of wishing will make it not so. A man who has slept with a hundred women regrets nothing. A woman who has slept with a hundred men feels used-up. That’s not stereotyping — it’s what I hear from people who fit in both of those categories.

      “Kids have been having sex throughout human history.”

      Yes, and until recently kids having sex ended up in kids getting pregnant and kids getting married and kids having families. The modern feminist ideal of having a thousand sex partners over thirty years and dying alone in a room surrounded by cats is a modern invention.

      Reply
      • Avatar-Nate

        ” The modern feminist ideal of having a thousand sex partners over thirty years and dying alone in a room surrounded by cats is a modern invention.”

        Well ;

        If there are 30 cats there , she’s not really alone then m, is she ? .

        -Nate

        Reply

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