So. This week, noted piece of human garbage Mark Cuck-erberg decided to lecture his employees for writing “All Lives Matter” on a special “graffiti wall” at the Menlo Park offices of Facebook. In his hilariously tone-deaf lecture, Zuck tells his employees that “There are specific issues affecting the black community in the United States, coming from a history of oppression and racism.”
Here’s an example of racist oppression: What percentage of Facebook employees would you guess are black? The answer is: two percent. What percentage of Facebook employees in a “tech job” are black? It’s an amazingly racist one percent. Meanwhile, Facebook has filed for OVER THREE THOUSAND H1B VISAS AND GREEN CARDS.
Now, if you were to ask Zuck straight-up why his company discriminates against Black people, he’d tell you that Facebook is just too important to do diversity hires. I suspect that Zuck considers his company to be like an NBA team; diversity doesn’t matter as much as performance. No NBA team would accept a diversity mandate that said you had to have forty-six percent white players. Why should Zuck be forced to hire Black people for twelve percent of his tech staff? Diversity is for low-performance companies, legacy dinosaurs, and the government.
Well, I have an idea that’s going to fix all that. I’m completely serious, and I think if you read my idea you’ll agree.
It works like this: There are currently close to one million H1-B workers in the United States.
I want you to think about that. One million foreigners taking jobs that average compensation of $76,000 or more. That’s a significant chunk of the American middle class.
Now let’s speak plainly: The entire purpose of the H1-B program is to cut salaries and keep American tech workers desperate. There is no other purpose. There’s no true “tech shortage” in this country, particularly if you consider that this isn’t the world of Logan’s Run and contrary to the belief in Silicon Valley people don’t simply disappear into the ether on their thirtieth birthday.
Now consider this: Although blacks made up 16% of high-school graduates and 14% of college freshmen, only nine percent of bachelor’s degree recipients are black. To me, that points to unusual economic or racist stress applied against black people. (Let’s be honest: there’s no other explanation you’d be allowed to give without being fired from your job and dragged through the streets.)
So what do we have in this country? We have a million foreigners taking high-paying jobs, and we have a crisis in black education. Not to worry, I can fix both problems.
In my system, we would immediately levy a 30% “opportunity tax” against every H1-B job. In other words, if Facebook hires an H1-B and pays the “pimp” or consulting company $100,000 a year for that person, they would have to pay a $30,000 opportunity tax. Using the most conservative number of possible H1-B workers in the country — about 850,000 — and using the average salary of $78,000 — and using the 40% bump paid to most consulting companies, and saying that half of the H1-Bs are through a recruiting firm — we come up with a total outbound H1-B cost of
That figure — seventy-nine billion dollars — is what we pay foreigners to work here in high-skill jobs. My “opportunity tax” would therefore raise as much as
$23.87 billion dollars
per year. Now, some corporations would choose to fire their H1-B visa holders and employ Americans instead. That’s totally fine with me. Let’s say that one-third of them do that. So we’ve “found” 240,000 new middle-class jobs for Americans, and we continue to raise
for my nefarious purpose. Which is… wait for it… free STEM degrees for African-Americans. That’s right. If you can get into a college and declare a STEM degree, and you’re black, we’re going to pay your tuition.
The cost of tuition at Case Western is $45k a year. Let’s add a $15k stipend for living expenses to that. $60k a year. With my tax, we can send 262,548 black students every year to a top-tier engineering school. If they can get into Harvard and get a tech degree, that’s fine. If all they can manage is Howard or Ohio State or Indiana, that’s also fine.
If two-thirds of those students can graduate, then over the course of eight years we will add about 350,000 qualified African-Americans to the rolls of high-skilled potential employees. with about 50,000 joining the ranks each year after that.
Time for the last part of my plan. Any company that surrenders its H1-B visa and hires a qualified gradate of this program instead will get a five-year exemption from payroll taxes on that employee. Don’t forget, too, that this new employee is likely to cost less than the H1-B he replaced, thanks to my thirty-percent opportunity tax.
After this program has been in operation for five years, we increase the opportunity tax to fifty percent. After it’s been in operation for ten years, we increase the opportunity tax to one hundred percent. So if you really want that foreign worker — if, like Zuck, you hate black people so much you’d rather apply to the government for permission to hire random Indians with mystery-meat resumes — then you’re gonna pay for that privilege and we’re going to use your money to educate a new black middle class.
Imagine a country where one out of every ten or fifteen African-Americans earns $75k or more a year. Imagine a country where young Black men have a guaranteed route out of poverty or oppression waiting for them. Imagine a country where kids in a Harlem elementary school know they can make more money by staying in school than by dropping out to sell drugs. Imagine a country where suburban schools are integrated naturally by the high-achieving children of Black tech workers.
Now, let’s look at some potential objections.
Does this program discriminate against white people? Yes, it does. However, it also opens up opportunities for white tech workers. The rising tide should lift all boats.
But the H1Bs have special skills that the new graduates don’t have. HAHAHAHAHA you’ve clearly never worked in tech. Sit your ass down.
What about the economic impact to India? We have to put i>our oxygen mask on before we can attend to our neighbors.
What if black people just don’t want to work those jobs? You think I want to work my job? Given the choice between making $75K a year and sitting at home, most people will choose the former.
But black people can’t score as high as Indians on tests, particularly college entrance exams. Even if you want to put forward some theory about Asians being more naturally intelligent than black people, said theory being extremely hazardous to your chances of not becoming an “unperson” in society the minute you disclose it, let me tell you: the average tech job in 2016 doesn’t require brilliance. It requires some knowledge and the willingness to come to work every day. If you can memorize a whole Kanye rap, you can memorize a basic list of Unix commands or engineering standards.
It really is that simple. We stop spending billions of dollars on a group of foreign guest workers who, by and large, send the majority of their cash home to India and China. We extend a helping hand to the people who need it most. And we give some dignity and power to black Americans. If black lives truly mattered in this country, we’d stop bleating about Michael Brown and start thinking about helping blacks get back into the American middle class.
And if I wrote the law, I’d put something special in for Mark Cuck-erberg. I’d require Facebook to immediately change its employee base to reflect the American population. And I’d put the #BlackLivesMatter people in charge of Facebook’s hiring process. Mr. Zuckerberg likes to run his mouth; let’s make him put his money there, too.