My son is, quite possibly, the best goalkeeper under the age of ten in the Commonwealth of Kentucky. This is causing me all sorts of problems. But first, a story.

I’m not gonna lie. 24 hours ago, I thought the Republican party was dead. I figured Hillary Clinton was well on her way to surpassing 300 electoral votes—perhaps even racing past the Obama ’12 total of 332. It was a foregone conclusion that the Democrats would reclaim the Senate, as well. I began to think…