If You’re Not #withher, Then You’re #notwithus

Please welcome a lifelong friend of mine who is an honest-to-God, no-surgery-required, cisgender female. After a conversation we had recently, I implored her to share her views with our Riverside Green readers. To protect her identity, I’ve given her a username that makes me laugh. Enjoy!—Bark

On November 9, 2016, my best friend texted me. “Well, it’s done. I voted. I voted for HIM.” I laughed, because honestly, minus a tiny snippet of hope in the very back of my brain, I thought Hillary had the election in the bag. “Remember,” I said, “This was an easy decision. Better to vote for an honest asshole who gets economics than a dishonest criminal who is married to a dude who got a blow job in the Oval.” I got the “LOL” and we both went about our day. That night, I stared at the television, incredulous, as the ticker declared that Trump would win Wisconsin. My phone buzzed. “Holy Shit, Lizzie. He’s going to win this thing. You were right about the silent voters.”

I am a 38 year old, pro-choice, gay marriage supporter. I live in a state where it’s legal to buy marijuana for recreational purposes, and frankly, I have no problem with that whatsoever. I did not hesitate when I filled in my ballot in for Donald J. Trump. Oh, and I’m a woman with a graduate degree. But, up until now, I haven’t been able to talk about that at all, because there’s an incredibly curious phenomenon happening with women in America right now.

And it all boils down to this: If you weren’t #withher, now you’re #notwithus. Effective January 21, 2017, I’ve apparently lost my woman card. Even though I don’t want to live in a country where the government can tell me what to do with my body. Even though I believe that you can marry whomever you wish. Even though I raise my daughter to believe that she can do whatever and be whoever she wants in this life. Nope, I’ve lost my woman card because I wholeheartedly believe that President Trump deserved my vote for President of the United States of America.

I don’t understand the reasoning behind the women’s march, and I think #theresistance is stupid. I’m mortified that friends of mine found it acceptable to put a “vagina hat” on their heads and march around various cities in apparent fury. For three days around the Inaugural Ceremonies (capitalized) and the women’s march (not capitalized), I was legitimately confused. Exactly WHAT are they protesting? What rights does my husband have that I do not? For days I texted back and forth with two friends who share my beliefs – we called each other “safe company.” I would text them when I went to school for pick up and Moms cried about Trump on the playground. I would text them when my husband came home from work and said he had co-workers shut in a conference room all day talking about how “scared” they were to be women in America—all high-powered attorneys who make well over six figures. Also, for the record, my husband did not vote for Trump. My friends would always end the rants with something like, “I’m glad we have each other because we can’t talk about this anywhere else.”

But the fact that we feel like we can’t talk about “this” is increasingly unsettling for me. I’ve been philosophically slut-shamed by my own gender into silence. I don’t understand why women are so pissed off about words. I’m not less of a woman because Donald Trump has a potty mouth. Donald Trump’s potty mouth hasn’t taken any rights away from me. Bill Clinton got a blow job in the Oval from a White House Intern who, you know, wasn’t his wife…and then Hilary stayed with him. Her choice, totally. But Donald just talked about pussy. Bill actually got some. Yet, we regard him as some sort of hero.

Why can celebrities (and playground Moms, for that matter) shout their disgust from the rooftops, but I feel like if I speak up, I’ll be completely ostracized. Wait a minute…freedom of speech only applies if you side with “her”? I sign on to Facebook and I only see those who are part of #theresistance (I’m not sure what they’re resisting – America?) But, forty-five percent of white women with college degrees (my demographic) voted for Trump. I am convinced that more than half of that percentage is spending their time trying to smooth over the hysteria with kindness and memes. (Guilty, a couple of times). But, the reason I’m increasingly unsettled is no one wants to listen to why I voted for Trump. Apparently, to be a woman in 2017, I need to have a very angry vagina. I should be mad about the fact that Trump (may have) sexually harassed women. I should be mad because he (might) walk back civil rights. I should be mad because a newly shaped Supreme Court (might) roll back a woman’s right to choose. I should be mad because the repeal of the Affordable Care Act (could) take away free birth control (which, coincidentally – why am I not getting free birth control with my insurance plan? Another topic for another time).

KellyAnne Conway made a comment at a post-election conference at Harvard University that struck me:

“Voters were being told constantly, ‘Stare at this, care about this, make this the deal breaker once and for all’. And they were told that five or six times a week about different things. And yet they went, they voted the way voters have always voted: on things that affect them, not just things that offend them.”

Women need to stop being so offended, and they need to stop with the total tyranny on free thought. I absolutely voted on things that affect me – not what might happen. I voted for a businessman who would surround himself with people who can implement deals that can ultimately strengthen our country and put more money in my pocket. And before you start ranting about privilege, I give more than I should to “causes.” I believe in “inclusion.” I believe that people should have a roof over their heads. I have a soft spot for kids who don’t have enough food to eat or supplies for school. I do a lot—but, on my terms. I don’t want the government telling me when and where and how to be charitable. I’m not worried about the government trying to control my body…because they don’t. Cause here’s the deal: I don’t live in Afghanistan.

Let this sink in for a moment: “The average Afghan girl will live to only 45 – one year less than an Afghan male. After three decades of war and religion-based oppression, an overwhelming number of women are illiterate. More than half of all brides are under 16, and one woman dies in childbirth every half hour. Domestic violence is so common that 87% of women admit to experiencing it. But more than one million widows are on the streets, often forced into prostitution. Afghanistan is the only country in which the female suicide rate is higher than that of males. “

American women are completely out of touch. My humble advice? No matter your beliefs, respect the Office of the Presidency, and give President Trump a chance to do his job. Stop talking. Listen to other women without judgement.  Above all—stop being fearful. There is no reason to live in fear…because, you know, you’re not an Afghan woman.

48 Replies to “If You’re Not #withher, Then You’re #notwithus”

  1. silentsod

    Thanks for posting this. I am fortunate enough to work in a defense heavy organization so I don’t encounter this at work, but in various social areas of my life I can identify with the sense that it is simply not okay to be who I am and believe what I believe. At least, not publicly.

  2. hank chinaski

    Welcome, greetings and salutations.

    Wifey has a couple of secret-Trump-mom friends. One, non-white FWIW, attended his rally in her home state and forwarded anti-hillary youtube vids during the campaign. The other (still) sends pictures of herself in front of his buildings.
    The others are raving nuts who wore silly hats and carried signs at the other rallies. To a woman, both groups are very well kept housewives and doting mothers to reasonably well adjusted children. Educated, to be sure, but not gainfully employed, or if so, to a pittance relative to their husband’s earnings.

    As for BJ’s and presidents, from an article on JFK side-piece’s memoir:
    “During a noonday swim, with David Powers sitting at the edge of the pool while Kennedy and Mimi splashed around, the president said to her, “Mr. Powers looks a little tense. Would you take care of it?” Understanding that she was being instructed to give Powers oral sex, Mimi obliged.
    Kennedy asked her to do the same for his younger brother Sen. Ted Kennedy months later, Alford writes, but this time, with the affair winding down, she refused.”

    Like rock stars, billionaire TV personalities, presidents and other men of power have groupies and may hold them in such regard as they allow themselves to be treated. News at eleven.

  3. Sseigmund

    Thank you for taking the time to write about yourself and your views. I often feel like I am “out of touch” with what women and progressives value. Like most people, I am very busy with work and responsibilities. I did not understand the message and purpose of the women’s march. To me it amounted to hysteria over the possible loss of special rights, not equal rights.

    I agree that progressives which include a lot of women are out of touch. We are so lucky to be Americans, yet it is hard to escape the fact that we are losing ground economically. The expenditure to income ratio in the United States has steadily increased in recent years straining family budgets to the breaking point. This is largely driven by core needs such as housing, food, transportation and healthcare. The past administration appeared to care little about this trend and listening to Hillary tell a group of voters that, “we are going to put a lot of coal miners out of work”, was a clear message that other issues such as global warming, free trade and open borders were of greater importance than the wellbeing of working class Americans. I would love to see some data on who participated in the women’s march. How many work for the government, or don’t have to work at all? I could never find the time or money to go raise so much hell in Washington, and I don’t live that far away.

    What affects vs offends is absolutely what the election was about.

    • Lizzie McGuire Post author

      Valid points- I also think “hysteria” is a decent way to describe it. Women seem to put a lot of value on what their “tribe” believes……Some tribes got together (and probably had to figure out what to do with non-refundable airline tickets, as someone else pointed out), and created a dialogue of hysteria. At this point, they’re a lot like my 3 year old…..just mad to be mad, and not sure why.

      • Ronnie Schreiber

        “I’m all manl”

        What does the word “man” mean anymore?

        How you more “all man” than someone who was born with ovaries and two X chromosomes that now identifies as male?

        Also do you take exception to being identified as female? You make it sound like there’s something wrong with being a female. No wonder progressives want white males (you’re a liberal Jew so leftist faith requires you to think of yourself as being guilty of white privilege) to just shut up and listen to their far more woke betters.

        I spell my nickname the same way women named Veronica do so I occasionally get emails that assume the “Ronnie” is a female. I’m comfortable enough with myself that it doesn’t bother me. Heck, I wear a varsity jacket with Randi in a Ford script on the front. I embroidered the wrong color interior on her Mustang in back. After I replaced the jacket I didn’t want it to go to waste and never bothered to cover up the name. Cobbler’s children going shoeless and all that.

        • VoGo

          I just wanted to correct the record. There is nothing wrong with being a woman, and if I were one, I would be proud. But I am not.

          • Ronnie Schreiber

            Why would you be proud if you were a woman? I’m not proud of being a man. I yam what’s I yam, and that’s all what’s I am.

            Pride, at least that part which is wholesome, derives from achievements, not mere happenstance of birth.

  4. Panzer

    Solid article.
    One thing though, the reason why you’re not getting free contraceptive pills with your insurance plan is the same reason why we men don’t get free Viagra and Condoms with our insurance plans – If it’s your body and your choice, then it’s 100% your responsibility to arrange your contraception for yourself, and that includes paying for it.

    You reminded me as well of a lady friend of mine in Dresden who I met when I lived there. She’s an English major, super cool, friendly, smart, accomplished and extraordinarily beautiful. She’s also in a long term relationship with a handsome Venezuelan architect who’s been her one and only and I remember her telling me that her Feminist friends ‘didn’t accept’ her choice to settle down with and have sex with just one guy. I mean, how fucking sad is that? to be judged/bullied like that by your friends because you don’t conform?
    We all know that the western feminism and hypocrisy have always been good bedfellows, but it still shocks how morally bankrupt this combination often is.

    • Lizzie McGuire Post author

      Yes- what I said about contraception was kind of tongue in cheek. I don’t believe women should receive free birth control and I certainly don’t believe that companies should be forced to pay for it.

      • Lizzie McGuire Post author

        Feminism and hypocrisy are the very best of friends in this day and age. Every day, a different female friend posts on social media the lyrics of that Dixie Chicks song, “I’m Not Ready To Make Nice”…..Natalie Maines wrote the lyrics when she was raked across the coals for chatsizing Bush and America and Texas.

        Anyway, one of the lyrics is: It’s a sad, sad story when a Mother will teach her daughter it’s okay to hate a perfect stranger”…………Things that make you go hmmmmm. Or #facepalm. Or whatever it is the kids are saying now.

      • Disinterested-Observer

        But dudes get free boner pills, for some reason. Anyway, nice write up. I hope you and your friends exercise all your rights, especially that one after the first.

        • 1A

          Because ED is a medical condition and a quality-of-life issue. If someone’s arm didn’t work properly, wouldn’t you want insurance to cover that? Same thing as a d/ck. Not the same as creating, or stopping create, a life.

          • Disinterested-Observer

            So I have to pay (through premiums and taxes) for some some fat fuck who couldn’t lay off the fried chicken to the point where his dick doesn’t work? And you think that being pregnant doesn’t impact your “quality of life”?

          • 1A

            You pay for his Lipitor, why not his Viagra?
            In no way was I condoning dishing out meds. Nearly all “diseases” are self-induced (even cancer!), whether one wants to accept that or not.
            You probably pay for fat people’s gastric bypasses ($15-25k) too–would you believe that?
            I’m on no medications, healthy as a horse, and I’ve given up on getting mad at unhealthy people in the health insurance pool–it’ll drive ‘ya crazy. Just another problem in the whole healthcare arena.
            That said, I feel Obamacare is unconstitutional!

          • jz78817

            ” Nearly all “diseases” are self-induced (even cancer!)”

            that’s absolute horseshit. Tell some kid with Type 1 diabetes, or leukemia that it’s his fault he’s sick. Hopefully his dad will send you home with your teeth in a Ziploc.

            “That said, I feel Obamacare is unconstitutional!”

            the Supreme Court has already ruled otherwise. What you “feel” is of no import.

          • 1A

            I thought you liked learning? I thought you said those who are offended need to stay in their bubbles?

            What I said stands true. Plus, if you read closely at what you copied, I wrote “Nearly all”—I’m not here having a stand-off with a 3-year old over their condition, DUR!

            “Hopefully his dad will send you home with your teeth in a Ziploc.” – is that some kind of threat? Are you trying to “trigger” someone into violence? Are you some kind of leftist Nazi? Why does truth always trigger leftists?!

            My feelings don’t matter? Oh, OK, I guess that’s not why I voted for Donald Trump..who won..who made it a part of his agenda to repeal and replace Obamacare..

            Keeping up? #NotTiredOfWinning!

  5. MrGreenMan

    It is the peculiar construct of the modern left identity politics that only cis het white males are entitled to have a differing opinion, because, with the famous 22 category list in 2008 (reduced to 7 categories in 2012), cis het white males are not represented by the Democrats.

    There are plenty of women who would make good presidents who happen to be Democrats. Mrs. Clinton relied on the premise that she was owed it because of reasons (mostly having put up with Bill and acquiesced to Obama) and sex, whereas Mr. Trump worked very hard to earn enough votes by Moneyball (remember, he “stole” 13% of the black male vote nationwide), and he has kept several promises made to earn those votes. A vigorous Democratic primary instead of one lone socialist opponent would have been healthier for the Democrats, but, they decided against it, and so they bully people to fall in line now like they bullied people then to fall in line for a coronation.

    Good article.

  6. VoGo

    Thanks for contributing. I always appreciate the opportunity to hear form someone with different life experiences and a different perspective.

  7. 1A

    Freedom of Speech—without this, we are FINISHED!

    I’m sure most of these individuals had booked a trip to DC in anticipation of Her Majesty’s Inauguration anyway.

    Many women I know whispered their support for DJT. I was very vocal in my support so others could at least whisper!


  8. Felis Concolor

    The view from Red Rocks is impressive. We get to enjoy some outstanding vistas along the southern half of the Front Range as well.

    It’s amusing and not the least bit disquieting to see just how tolerant the Tolerance and Diversity ™ crowd has become: The God-Emperor may have signed the reelection campaign into existence on Inauguration Day, but it was his opposition which kicked it into gear that weekend and power shifted it into high gear this past Wednesday night.

    As 1A stated above, the truly amusing stat would be the percentage of marchers who had purchased a cheap non-refundable ticket to D.C. for Her coronation and could not bring themselves to simply toss it in the bin after the Trumpslide.

    • Lizzie McGuire Post author

      Hope you were able to get out and enjoy some BlueBird sky today- the views are breathtaking. Thanks for reading!!

      • Felis Concolor

        It was truly glorious yesterday. While I couldn’t spend a lot of time outside, a half hour lunch break at a nearby park was coupled with opening the south door of the shop to let some cooling breezes through, to the delight of the day’s customers.

        It’s bright and shiny outside now; I look forward to more clear skies and spring-like conditions today.

  9. Deadweight

    Trump is not some sort of “man of the people,” nor “disruptive genius,” as Mark & Jack Baruth seem to fondly portray him.

    He’s a hopelessly corrupt, ignorant & extremely reckless individual who actually poses a series of genuine, existential hazards to the world peace and order.

    The irony is that he’s already begun fundamentally undermining the interests of the very core group of people who are most loyal to him, in a mere 16 days into his presidency.

    I don’t have more time to elaborate now as I’m out the door, but if people like Steve Bannon (a legitimate psychopath), Rex Tillerson (an incredibly corrupt and narrow-minded “energy guy”) and Jared Kushner (a hopelessly naive yet vindictive dogmatic) are truly the “iner circle” that will influence Trump’s thoughts and actions in running the Executive Branch of the United States of America, pray to the god that you know, if you have a relationship with one.

    I say this truly as no fan of the Clintons, Bush’s, Romney or “The Establishment” that really did chart the course back in the 80s that helped pave Trump’s way to being elected president.

    (I find it incredible that people who seem to be of above-average intelligence do not recognize and see Trump as the ignorant demagogue that he is.)

        • Zykotec

          Historically speaking and adjusted for popualtion the world is an incredibly peaceful and nice place to live with now. Even if terrorism may make the killings a lot more spread out and random, you run a much larger risk of having to for live a long time than you have ever before in the history of mankind.

          I’m not going to write what I think about giving Trump acces to nukes right now maybe because that goes completely against the rest of this post.

    • Disinterested-Observer

      I think it was Jack who said, electing Hillary is like playing Russian roulette with a sem-auto. A Trump administration may fuck us, but Clinton would have absolutely fucked us. As much as his election may baffle you, there are a lot of people out there, in Michigan and Pennsylvania and Florida, who felt like they had no choice but to vote for him.

      • yamahog

        I don’t want to start drama about Jack on his blog (and I’d invite him to delete this comment if it displeases him) but I think that line came from an essay called “the flight 93 election”.


        The first lines:

        2016 is the Flight 93 election: charge the cockpit or you die. You may die anyway. You—or the leader of your party—may make it into the cockpit and not know how to fly or land the plane. There are no guarantees.

        Except one: if you don’t try, death is certain. To compound the metaphor: a Hillary Clinton presidency is Russian Roulette with a semi-auto. With Trump, at least you can spin the cylinder and take your chances.

      • DeadWeight

        I am taking this opportunity to apologize to Lizzie, as my comment was a very general one, not specifically directed towards the subject matter of the particular march that she was opining about.

    • Nickoo

      I’m with you…the failures of a winner take all election system with two corrupt candidates representing even more corrupt interests are so fucking obvious from the past couple of election cycles that maybe, just maybe, someone like Donald Trump will motivate congress to reform our election system. We need instant run-off voting now!

      I voted for Trump, not because I really supported him, but because a vote for Trump was a vote against something vile. Mathematically, and logically, with our winner take all election system, it is in my best interest to vote against candidates and not for candidates.

  10. rtr

    Great article thanks. I didn’t understand the women’s march either other than the fact that it was funded by George Soros and led by a woman advocating Sharia. Made me wonder how many hopeless ignorant women are out there!

  11. yamahog

    I appreciate more content on this blog and this seems to address the issue but not full on (and perhaps I’m trying to steer this into the conversation I want to have) but there seems to be some sense that

    these are women’s issues:
    feminine hygiene products
    the wage gap

    and these are gay issues:
    getting cakes from christian bakers

    But my town has large 3rd world, african, muslim population and their ghetto in an otherwise cosmopolitan city accounts for some insane fraction of the gay bashing.

    I’m sure ‘avoiding bashing’ is a gay issue that’s as critical as getting a wedding cake. And I think some men are perceptive of that, my ex even voted for trump because he doesn’t want more 3rd world refugees and he’s the sort of guy who would get based.

    And the other thing I hear about it “a room full of men shouldn’t make decisions on women’s health”. And I agree with the sentiment, but we’ve intertwined the government and healthcare and both suck because of that confluence. Why does an epipen cost $500? Because someone with a jackboot can raid your house if you sell a knock off epipen for $499. And the FDA review process has side-effect of monopolies.

    Beyond that – a critical feature of democracy (one that expresses the will of the majority) is that they can bind people to the will of the majority. What should matter is that the people making healthcare laws make laws that express the will of the people. Unfortunately, we’re a republic and the majority doesn’t rule (and the rule of law is somewhat limited). But it’s critical that men can make laws for women, because the alternative is some incomprehensible anarchy – can a woman president command men to go to war (women don’t need to register for the draft), can gay people make laws that apply to straight people, if you swing both ways do gay laws or straight laws have supremacy?

    And why are we so certain that it’d never be the case that there’s no hypothetical room full of women who wouldn’t make the same laws? Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, and Laura Bush would jump at the chance to ban abortion. Heck, get some other people in there and they’d be pro-abortion and anti-choice: mandatory abortions for everyone with a fetus. The issue isn’t who makes laws and what laws they make, it should just be whether those laws are constitutional and whether they reflect the majority opinion.

    Perhaps the only critical thing is that politicians campaign in a way that reflects how they’d govern.

    Trump campaigned against ‘free trade’, most immigrants, as a defender of fossil fuels, and the use of torture. He won the election and thusly I’d say that his pursuit of the same is legitimate and fitting. And with all that, I 60% proudly voted for the guy.


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