Author Archives: Jack Baruth

Weekly Roundup: How Much Would You Pay For A BLAZAR Edition

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Last year, I bought the Spaceman Effects April Fools’ pedal, the Sonic Void. I knew it was a joke but I figured (correctly, as it turns out) that it would be hyper-rare. Zak ended up making five of them. This year’s joke pedal is the BLAZAR, a “reverse noise gate” that injects noise into the amp signal any time you are NOT playing. It might be worth buying just for fun, although at $333 it’s far more expensive than the $149 Sonic Void.

It reminds me of a day about sixteen years ago when I was sitting around at work talking about men’s clothing with one of the other sysadmins. I was explaining to him that a Zegna sportcoat usually cost at least $1900 or so. That was back before all three quantitative easings, which bumped the price to the $2795 at which non-Trofeo pricing starts today. So Pete, my friend, turns to this hillbilly from rural Ohio who had somehow gotten a job as a Windows server admin. We called him “Dishong” because that was his last name.

“Dishong,” Pete said, “how much would you pay for a blazer?” Dishong leaned back in his seat and thought about it.

“Depends,” he replied, after some consideration. “Is it two or four wheel drive?”

Okay, let’s roll the tape.

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At The Movies: “Whiplash”

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“There are no two words in the English language more harmful than ‘good job’.”

Welcome to a brand-new feature here at Riverside Green — At The Movies — and to the movie that prompted me to add said feature. “Whiplash” doesn’t need my recommendation; it has received awards from all quarters. When the African-American Film Critics Association gives a white guy a Best Supporting Actor award, you can pretty much guess that there isn’t much, strictly speaking, to “criticize” about the film in question.

My purpose, therefore, isn’t to discuss “Whiplash” as much as it is to discuss the movie’s core principles and how they relate to my personal opinions regarding creativity and talent. For that reason, what follows shouldn’t be much more of a spoiler than the commonly-available preview.

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Portrait Of The Author As An Old Man

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There’s something highly amusing to me about this photo. It kind of looks like all the self-important cafe racer Instagram photography, doesn’t it? What’s actually happening is that I’m waiting for my friend Sidney to get his DR-Z 400 started so we can ride home from dinner. I was kind of staring at the ground like a moron. And if I’d known there were going to be pictures I wouldn’t have the bungee-cord net on there. Oh well. At least the CB looks good. We’re going to cross the 4000-mile mark today. So far, I have no regrets.

Past The Tipping Point

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Some of these gigs are worse than others. I started this Monday morning tired, irritable, with a sore throat. Drove to work because I didn’t feel awake enough to hold the CB1100 upright for half an hour in traffic. Cut out of work and went over to the sandwich shop to play for a bit. Tips were lower than usual, even for a Monday, although for the first time in my life I got an actual dollar coin in the cup. There are days when you know you’re not connecting with the audience and this was one of them. Two older women who’d taken the last available table near me changed their minds and moved to another one, farther away.

The restaurant cleared out as one-o’-clock approached. With five minutes left in the gig, I looked around. Just a few people left. The older women. Two construction workers at a low table, a couple of suits in back, an attractive young mother with an infant in a convertible car seat. My throat just plain hurt. Nobody would hassle me if I quit early. Or I could play one more, and try to make it count.

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Defining Paralysis Down

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Reddit, in all of its various incarnations, is perhaps the greatest example of Sucks and Rocks binary thinking ever created. You can usually watch a consensus being created in real time via the comments and it’s frankly terrifying to watch. If you’ve ever wondered how the Salem Witch Trials and the like went on for so long, then reading the human garbage of Reddit working up their collective agitation on a topic will go a long way towards educating you on the subject.

When Reddit isn’t busy crucifying people for various minor sins against social justice, of course, it’s often busy serving as a massive hugbox for Millennials who grew up beneath the rotating soft-foam blades of their helicopter parents. What happened on “r/motorcycles” today is a perfect example. Eight months ago, a young motorcyclist had a driver make a left turn in front of him. Today, he’s paralyzed. His cry for emotional support, posted yesterday, drew positive thoughts and deeds from an astoundingly diverse group that includes 3D-printer limb designers and a similarly disabled veteran.

There’s just one little problem: he’s not paralyzed.

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Weekly Roundup: 1985 Redline 600c Edition

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Well, what do we have here? Looks like Riverside Village, the spectacularly dingy apartment complex of my early teen years, complete with Mom’s ’84 LTD and my ’85 Redline 600c. My guess is that is late May or early June of 1986, because I can see the semi-bent OEM seatpost that I had on there before I got a proper layback.

Mom’s LTD was kind of the Holy Grail of the much-discussed Brown Car Appreciation Society way before such a society ever existed. Tan over brown, tan and brown interior. Insofar as it replaced her beloved 1983 Civic S when said Civic was crumpled into a beer can by a drunk lady in a Cadillac, I can’t say that any of us felt much affection for the aero-styled Ford. But when I see them on the street nowadays I smile a bit.

Alright, let’s check out the Week That Was, including the article that contains the above picture.

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Made In The USA: Darn Tough

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I spend a lot of time — certainly more than I should — going through various manufacturer websites looking for those little disclaimers about anonymous foreign production. Usually it’s in the form of negative-space declaration: “All FooBarCo products are designed right here in San Diego.” Uh huh. Sometimes, you’ll get carefully-worded paragraphs about the excellence of the factory: “FooBarCo makes its WidgetPro line in an ISO9001-compliant factory that has been well-respected for quality since 1982.” In China, of course, but they don’t say that. Or there’s the enviro-wacko line: “Everything FooBarCo sells is made from post-consumer recycled bamboo with waste water and solar power.” IN CHINA.

For a refreshing change, let’s read the DarnTough site:

There’s a sign in our mill that states, “Nobody ever outsourced anything for quality.”

Our feeling is that when you’re really serious about something you make it yourself.

Our socks aren’t produced off shore or out-sourced within the US.

We sell what we produce. All of our socks are knit here in our Northfield, Vermont factory.

Well shee-it, brother, that’s all you had to say.

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