Last year, I bought the Spaceman Effects April Fools’ pedal, the Sonic Void. I knew it was a joke but I figured (correctly, as it turns out) that it would be hyper-rare. Zak ended up making five of them. This year’s joke pedal is the BLAZAR, a “reverse noise gate” that injects noise into the amp signal any time you are NOT playing. It might be worth buying just for fun, although at $333 it’s far more expensive than the $149 Sonic Void.
It reminds me of a day about sixteen years ago when I was sitting around at work talking about men’s clothing with one of the other sysadmins. I was explaining to him that a Zegna sportcoat usually cost at least $1900 or so. That was back before all three quantitative easings, which bumped the price to the $2795 at which non-Trofeo pricing starts today. So Pete, my friend, turns to this hillbilly from rural Ohio who had somehow gotten a job as a Windows server admin. We called him “Dishong” because that was his last name.
“Dishong,” Pete said, “how much would you pay for a blazer?” Dishong leaned back in his seat and thought about it.
“Depends,” he replied, after some consideration. “Is it two or four wheel drive?”
Okay, let’s roll the tape.
Bark educated TTAC readers about why sexy does’t sell. He helped a reader mourn the eventual demise of their Grand Prix and recommnded a Miata to a double-minivan owner.
For that same site, I reviewed a Toyota Matrix with a six-speed transaxle swap, showed you a Civic that pulled a Sho-ryu-ken on a motorcycle, delivered a eulogy for the Transparent Factory in Dresden, and told the sad story of an incompetent deputy who killed somebody by doing 106 in a 35. Last and probably least, I wrote the VW EcoPlus letter that was part of Mark Stevenson’s April Fools’ post.
At Road&Track this week, I handed out some tips for first-time trackday drivers and discussed the role that automobiles play in our personal stories.
Yes, that was seven feature articles in a week where I also worked 40 hours at my day job, played two sandwich-shop gigs, got my annual motorcycle parking passes from the cluster fuck downtown impound office, and spent an evening playing music with my pal “G”. Also, I have the flu, I think. Yes, I’m tired. Thanks for asking. But I’m also grateful to have the chance to write all of this and to share it with all of you. Thanks for tuning in. No fooling.
they’re doing a “writer swap” today over at the gawker blogs, so why not cap it off by getting something published on Jezebel (or Jez-spin?)
That’s funny. Matt Hardigree made a comment about how I am always in Jack’s shadow when it comes to writing, so I asked him he doesn’t hire Jack, if that’s the case.
He said, “Because Jezebel is still one of our properties.”
I was really hoping that the Tesla Model 3 was an elaborate joke by Alex Roy and Elon Musk. It would be the only way to top last year.
I wish I had seen your track day piece earlier, I actually had my first track day experience last week, and I’m also one of those guys starting out with 600hp monster.
But I did take some advice I recall you writing ab once, and with the exception of the pit lane I kept my car in 4th gear the entire time through my first four sessions. Although, I think you said you keep first time students in 3rd gear. Anyway, I have gobs of torque and a very elastic 4th gear, so 4th gear it was, and it worked out great. So thanks for the idea Jack.
What are you driving?
It’s kinda cliché in your experience, but an H/C/I C6Z06
Proper.
I mean that.
Anybody who tracks one of those has brass balls. If you get to the point that you’re going too fast for your current instructor’s comfort, drop me a line.
I would have asked the same question as Dishong honestly. Blazer to me is a truck, not a piece of clothing. Then again I grew up in Ohio right across the river from West BY GOD Virginia. Now I am going to have to Craigslist a K5 even though I prefer a Bronco. The part that makes me really sad is a decent 79 Bronco, or K5 Blazer is more expensive now than the blazers you were discussing back then.
The Navajo story is remarkable. Awesome job on it. Makes one think about many more aspects of life than before. In rural Ohio, riding in the back of a pickup truck was normal. 20 years later I had to borrow my dad’s truck, take my kid’s out in the middle of nowhere, then put them in the back of the truck and do 20 MPH on a gravel road. They loved it. At least they got the experience I guess, and I didn’t end up in jail.
Q: Why do the Navajo build their houses a couple miles apart?
A: To stay out of easy rifle range.
I got that from a friend who spent lots of time “on the res” during his formative years.
The pinnacle for pickup trucks was achieved shortly before the nationwide ban: I forget which aftermarket company sold it, but a universal stainless steel, webbing and heavy ripstop nylon sling seat for truck beds debuted in the mid-to-late 80s, complete with heavy duty lap belts, backing plates and fixing hardware.
Now cars - and driving - are so safe it puts immediate suspicion of suicide upon anybody who dies in a single car crash, and the insane pursuit of yet another order of magnitude reduction costs more in man-hours to develop than will ever be recouped among the hypothetical lives saved.
The Navajo chequerboard piece is quite the melancholic reverie. Still in bed on a lazy Saturday morning, it makes me want to go back into blissful sleep and dream of a solo drive I did from Arizona to Texas, sixteen years ago. Probably your best writing in recent memory. Write more like this, will you please.
Loved the bit about the transaxle swap. Had I only known about Mitsubishi’s defective capacitor transaxle problems a half year earlier than I did, a friend might be rolling his invalid mother around in a lightly used Eagle Summit Wagon instead of a well worn MazdaFord Escort now on its 2nd engine. Weighing a few thousand dollars for a replacement unit against a couple bucks plus soldering time was something I would have risked the low asking price for.
I like Blazers and blazers. 4×4 and grey, respectively.