My ex-wife got married today. It made the local paper and was noted on a television station. It was a big thing. Not sure why; I think it’s because she’s a very intelligent woman who knows how to self-promote.
At approximately the same time as the wedding, someone else who has been emotionally important to me was at the funeral of her first love. I’m not sure what this means. I’m pretty good at maintaining the Orwellian doublethink that goes like this:
* Everybody a woman ever dated before you is more important to her than you are, because they were younger and more emotionally invested when she was with them and, face it, the thousandth time I drove a Porsche didn’t mean very much to me while the first time was super-important and stuff. For a girl, with each boy it’s like a petal gets plucked each time… slammed in a place that sickens at slamming.
* Everybody a woman dates after you is more important to her because they are there with her and you’re gone.
Logically speaking, both of these things cannot be true.
But the heart doesn’t know from logic, you see.
Thats a tough place to be emotionally Jack. I’m still putting my life back together two years after my divorce. I know I have a lot to offer to the right woman if I could just find her; and if I could stop telling myself that no woman would ever see those things in me I would have a much better chance of finding her 🙂 I hope you’re around good friends tonight.
As a man who’s never had a girlfriend as an adult, it’s amazing on how much money you save and what you can do with that money you spend on yourself. Gotta say it, nothing beats being single.
You know, it’s not that you aren’t right, it’s that it depresses me to consider how right you are!
Just to offer a counter option, I have 4 cars and 5 motorcycles. At one count I had 8 of both. These were all accomplished while being married due to the fiscal skills of my wife. I work for race money now and kind of do what I want since retiring.
I aint saying you’re not right, I am just saying there is more than one path.
Took my now ex to the funeral of her first real love as well as the trial of his killer. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my ever difficult life. I feel for you my brother.
Most often, we mourn not over what we have actually lost, but over what we wanted it to be. I learned that the hard way. Most people do. When it is right, no one, past or future, will ever be as important to her as you are. . .
Or we mourn over what we REMEMBER it to be, not necessarily what it actually was.
“Most often, we mourn not over what we have actually lost, but over what we wanted it to be”
hear, hear…..those are wise words indeed!!
as memories fade, we tend to remember the good times, and forget the bad times.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAVB25yjY5I
or at least, I do.
It’s good to have a heart , Jack .
My ex got re married and when she drove that into the ground , guess who’s ‘phone rang first ? .
Life is bittersweet at times .
-Nate
I can’t really comment on the love lost. Since 1990 I have been with three women and I married two of them. The current one will kill me long before a divorce.
On a more tender subject, now you get to do the stepdad dance. I do not envy that position and offer a great deal of sympathy. There is no right answer. As a product of that world, I consider myself blessed to have two father figures; but the reality is no matter what, someone else’s values will now influence your boy.
Let’s hope they are good ones.
The stepfather-to-be is a truly decent person. I have zero concerns about any interaction my son would ever have with him. In truth, I’m more worried about this very kind man’s ability to deal with John when he’s fourteen or so. I was a real handful at that age and stayed that way until I was hit by a truck and nearly killed.
Yeah. I said and did some pretty awful things to all of my parents in my youth..and into young adulthood…. But its going to be better since you respect him. It provides a good avenue for communication, consistency and sometimes just to vent when he drives you both crazy.