Yesterday, as previously discussed, my pal Stef was hit pretty hard in a LeMons race. When one of her more faithful orbiters, a fellow named Bradley, decided to use the occasion as an opportunity to simultaneously suck up to me and take a weak shot at, of all things, my commitment to driver safety, I made him the intro subject of this week’s Roundup post. The photo that I used was one of his Facebook profile photos, a professional shot of him and his wife from his wedding last year.
At this time, I thought this was more than fair. Not only was it the most flattering photo I could find of the two of them, I thought the gentle reminder that he was newly married might back him off Stef a bit and let him save some dignity before he got his heart broken and/or his ass kicked.
You, as they say on Upworthy, won’t believe what happened next… and the implications of it are both troubling and widespread.
He and his friends went on a Twitter crusade complaining that I’d called his wife fat. You can read the original post, the text of which is unchanged, and see that I specifically did not call his wife fat. When I refer to him as Captain Ahab hunting the white whale, I was careful to note that I was the Moby-Dick in question. To Bradley, however, the simple public posting of a photo of him and his wife together was “offensive” and “hateful fat-shaming”, making me “human garbage” for posting it. He repeatedly referred to it as a “fat” photo of his wife, as if I’d taken a long-lens shot of her sitting alone on a bench with a double scoop of ice cream in each hand.
I remind you that this was not the case. It was a photo of both of them, with him standing closer to the camera. It was also a professionally taken photo that he had used as his Facebook profile shot. In other words, this is the face he wants to show to the world. Typically, when people put a picture of themselves up in public, that’s an indicator of how they want you to see them. I’m not on Facebook any more, but here are some of my profile shots from 2007-2013:
If, at any point, somebody had used one of these photos in an article they had written about me, would I have any reason to complain? I don’t think so, even though I look pretty goofy in most of them.
This morning, I got an email from Bradley in which he stated that
But it is absolutely not acceptable to use this photograph…. if your lines “has his hands full” and “white whale” are in reference to what I think they are in reference to, then you sir, should go fuck yourself.
I’d like to say that I TOOK A RIDE ON THE LOLLERCOASTER but, in truth, it made me sad. I guess that all he sees when he looks a photo of his wife is… a fat woman. Listen, let’s be honest here. She’s not thin. Neither is he. For that matter, neither am I. Two years and eleven broken bones ago, I was 221 pounds and feeling pretty decent about myself. Right now I’m 242 and I’ve been as heavy as 260 in the past year. It’s not a good feeling, to be fat. I’m sure there are people out there who take the Dove Real Beauty approach to it and say “I’M BEAUTIFUL AT ANY SIZE” but that sure as hell isn’t true of me. I’m better-looking at 210 than I am at 260.
(This section edited at the request of the lady involved.)
The human, the decent thing for me to do at this point is to take the photo of which he’s ashamed off my website. So I’ve done that. And I did it even though he was part of the crowd at the “LeMons Racer Lounge” that couldn’t stop yucking it up about a car crash in which my son was nearly killed and my passenger was critically injured. That’s the most hilarious joke they’ve ever heard. But to put somebody’s Facebook profile photo up? TOO FUCKING FAR, PAL.
In short, Bradley’s what they call a “Cry-Bully”. It’s totally fine for him to say anything he wants about me, up to and including a Twitter post in which he suggests that I molest my brother’s children, but the minute I put his Facebook profile photo up on this “shitty site”, he gets triggered and has a fit.
The real problem here is that the Internet in general, and the autojourno world in particular, is full of people who like to dish it out as hard as they can but who piss themselves when they think that they’re under the microscope. Bradley has worked hard to create an image of himself as a “Porsche guru” and “racing expert” and all-around cool guy. The problem is that his wedding photo undermines that image. So he doesn’t want it out there. The fake Bradley can’t occupy the same space as the real Bradley, like matter and anti-matter.
I’ve always treated my critics a lot better than they’ve treated me. I do, however, reserve the right to change that at any moment. Since I started writing about cars, I’ve been the target of every kind of retribution you can imagine, from legal threats to people calling my employers to exhaustive “doxxing” to threats against my child. My response has always been to contact the people responsible and ask them to back off. But that’s not to say that I’ll always feel that way.
Do we have time for one more video? Yes we do.
As the wife in question, this is so far out of bounds I can’t believe you would find it acceptable to post this. Kindly shove it.
My husband taking issue with you posting a personal photo of a special moment of the two of us has absolutely nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with the fact I have zero to do with the situation. You made a simple joke into a personal attack. Brad has been with me for almost thirteen years and has loved me from size 6 all the way to size 14 (Which, I will have you know, is a great size on me. I am a beautiful woman, regardless of a little belly roll).
As the person most affected by this situation, I can say both of you have taken this 4000% too far, but especially you. Taking potshots at someone’s family is wayyyyy over the line, Jack. This isn’t journalism, you are just being a self-centered Regina George-style bully.
“Taking potshots at someone’s family is wayyyyy over the line, Jack.”
You should talk to your husband about his Twitter posts, kiddo.
But I’m glad you and I are of the same mind.
And I’m sorry that Bradley made you come here and defend him. I’ll do my best to make sure you never have to stick up for him again on these pages.
“And I’m sorry that Bradley made you come here and defend him. I’ll do my best to make sure you never have to stick up for him again on these pages.”
It’s not sticking up for him, it’s sticking up for myself. I’m the person who you’re rudely mentioning in your post. Say whatever you want about my husband, he can handle it.
Amanda - I ilke me a big woman. Can you flip me that photo sometime?
Jesus, the commenters on this site have ZERO CHILL. 🙂
Amanda, I haven’t seen your photo so I have have no idea just how fat you are so this is just a philosophical pursuit on the question of beauty, not a personal attack.
Is there any weight beyond which you would no longer consider yourself a beautiful woman? What makes you as beautiful as a woman with an equally attractive face but who doesn’t have a belly roll? If you were a swimsuit designer, would you use a model with a belly roll to show off your latest two-piece?
When I see photos of myself from when I weighed 235# all I can think is how fat I looked. I’ve always been chubby but my ex said I was as big as a house and it made sex uncomfortable. So I lost 50 lbs and have pretty much kept it off. Is it okay for someone to tell his or her spouse that he or she is too fat for their tastes?
When you were single, would you consider dating a man who was shorter than 5’8″ tall? If not, why not? Are there other kinds of men or features some men have, like maybe a beer gut, that you find unattractive? Is it okay for you and other women to judge men by all sorts of standards but it’s wrong for a guy to say that a woman is too fat for his tastes?
Sorry, but “big beautiful woman” is just another euphemism for fat, and the truth is that most American men prefer women who aren’t fat. Most husbands are just too afraid of their wives and of celibacy to tell them that. Another truth is that many guys are so desperate for pussy that they’ll fuck fat women because it’s better than using their hands. All things being equal, a horny fat woman is more fun than a hottie who’s not hot to trot, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that guys think fat women are some kind of beauty ideal.
Sure, there are chubby chasers who like women well beyond zaftig, but then there are also men who like to give blow jobs to 300# hairy “bears” in rest area bathrooms. Like Lenny Bruce said, guys will fuck mud. Just because a guy will have sex with a woman doesn’t mean she’s beautiful, it just means that she has a vagina that she’s willing to share.
It’s amusing the way fat women think that just because a guy wants to have sex with them that they’re desirable in a more general sense. In most cases, the guy is just settling.
“Brad has been with me for almost thirteen years and has loved me from size 6 all the way to size 14 (Which, I will have you know, is a great size on me. I am a beautiful woman, regardless of a little belly roll).”
Amanda - through the miracle of the Internet I’ve now seen the photograph in question. I concur that you are indeed a beautiful woman as captured in that snapshot in time.
But I must dispute your claim to a size 14 in that photograph. I have some body of experience fitting women of all sizes and that bridal gown is an 18+.
As Brad loved you from six to 14 does that mean he no longer loves you now as an 18+?
With respect to your self-described little belly roll, I’d estimate it to be five inches on the caliper. By any fair measure that’s grown beyond little.
Again, none of this takes away from your beauty. But it does raise concern regarding your self-honesty.
And FWIW how you went from a claimed size six to 14, in 13 years, is a tale that I’d like to hear.
A friend who was be a firefighter said, the only thing that is off-limits in the house are the kids. If you happen to get involved with someone who is or is trying to be a public personality then just be aware that it might blow-back on you.
“I was careful to note that I was the Moby-Dick in question. ”
that’s how I took it.
I agree, the literary allusion doesn’t even really make sense if Jack was referring to this guy’s wife.
” I was careful to note that I was the Moby-Dick in question. ”
Wouldn’t be the first time someone called you a dick.
I didn’t get the implication the “white whale” was his wife either??
some people will just look for stuff to get offended about
oh well
As someone who also races a 944 in Lemons, I’m way more interested in the details of the crash and how everyone’s safety equipment performed. My Google skills are failing me - where is Stef’s account of the crash?
As for the Internet contretemps, honestly, nothing good comes of this sort of thing. Definitely don’t let this degenerate into a barroom argument about whether the wife in question is fat, or pretty, or pretty fat - that’s just horrible behavior with a side dish of “not entertaining.”
My prediction: No honest, forthright details will ever be available. Everybody’s going to stick their fingers in their ears and pretend that
HITTING A STOPPED CAR ON THE TRACK YET AGAIN
is totally fine, nothing to see here, move along, THE SAFETY EQUIPMENT WORKED!
There aren’t words for how angry this makes me.
Still doesn’t seem to be anything on the Lemons forums about this. That seems utterly bizarre for a three-car wreck in which one car took a hit that flipped it. When a stalled Camaro got rear-ended in the esses at Sonoma a few years back, the forums were abuzz, and video of the crash posted, that same night.
Jay and his group seem to actually care about safety, FWIW. But Lemons speeds have definitely increased to the point where lap times are on par with “real” NASA and SCCA classes, yet with morning-rush-hour levels of traffic and way less average driver experience. I thought the races were more fun when they were slower, and therefore less risky. But maybe I thought that because our car was fast enough to be a podium finisher in those days…
I’m not going to touch the issue of the photo, the wife, her weight, or love. Not topics that are of interest to me, or to Jack, either, I suspect.
I would like to know more about the crash. I looked into LeMons and decided I didn’t want me or my girlfriend involved until they make some changes to their handling of safety issues in general and vehicles stopped on track in particular. If Jack is right and we aren’t going to see any footage of the crash because LeMons doesn’t want to talk about it - they’re never going to get drivers like me involved. At this level openness is critical.
And if the dude was actually laughing about a life threatening crash? One involving your son? I would be a lot harsher than Jack has been to this point.
I can see the Daily Mail headline now: Biker whose long hair makes him look like “big girl” alludes to himself as ” White Whale.” Big Girl whose blubber makes her look like “White Whale” objects. Long haired white whales unavailable for comment.
That’s a CoTD right there.
They’ve threatened to doxx your *kid* ?!? WTF is wrong with these people?
No woman possessing even a modicum of good taste would use the term “belly roll” in a public forum.
Additionally, no one who laughs over an accident in which two people were badly injured and a small child was endangered is making “a simple joke.”
In short, the man is a suppurating pustule. Disengage, Jack. Do not waste your considerable literary firepower on a gnat.
Agreed. I enjoy reading Jack’s writing in general and petty stuff like this is really a fat waste of everyone’s time. (Oops)
Also learned a new word, suppurating.
Is . . . is that a Rubens?
Is that photograph a veiled reference to Cliff and the Calories?
Truly I stand in awe of you, sir.
And Jack, you should secure your state’s HAKUGEI vanity license plate for your next white whip.
Hey Jack - somewhat tangental question but related to the LeMons incident:
What do you think about the DeltaWing smashing into the backside of the parked PC car in the 2016 Daytona 24?
It seemed to me that the DeltaWing driver 1) wasn’t looking more than 20ft in front of him, 2) then saw the parked car about 20ft before impact, and then 3) target fixated into the backside of that PC car, even when he could have drove wide or maintained his turn. It seems like the DeltaWing driver gave up turning right when he saw him!
I haven’t seen the incident but I suspect that fatigue and/or visibility in the DeltaWing were the primary culprits. I also suspect that the car is an utter nightmare to drive.
” I was careful to note that I was the Moby-Dick in question. ”
To be honest, I just kind of skimmed that entry, but I do remember seeing the careful note in there. And I took it in the “wink wink, nudge nudge” kind of way. That is, you were “careful to note” because you knew as well as anyone else that the mere mention of white whale would invite comparisons to the woman in the picture. Otherwise, why make the careful note? I thought it was a bit low for you, btw.
Remember, you hold yourself to much higher standards than your critics. Always.
That doesn’t excuse his behavior, and nothing excuses anyone joking about your son and the wreck. I’ve got two kids and they’ve given me more than my share of grief, including several destroyed cars but no lasting injuries. I can completely relate with you there, nothing’s funny about that.
I don’t know what ‘ doxxing a child ‘ means…..
Taking pot shots at Children is below low brow .
-Nate
Doxing is making semi-private to private information very public with the purpose of making it available for group harassment. Mostly stuff like home address, phone number, names of family members, work address, contacts at said work, etc.
Also, seems commenters missed the “threats against” after doxxing and before child. Not a whole lot to dox on Jack’s boy and anyone who would share his school’s name or encourage people to make threats toward him via the school or home is a seriously fucked up individual.
Unrelated to the subject at hand Jack, but do you ever make it down to any NASA races in the Southeast? I race 944Spec and would love to race with you in Lightning.
I used to run that November enduro at Road Atlanta. I’d like to get back down again.
Thanx for the explanation .
Agreed , someone is seriously messed up in the head here .
Of course , someone who cares what others think about their sweetie looks like , is already pathetic .
-Nate