Everybody open up your secular bible to the The Book Of Liz and sing along:
It’s nice / to be liked / but it’s better by far to get paid
This morning I announced that I am replacing Bertel Schmitt as Editor-In-Chief at TheTruthAboutCars.com. Herr Schmitt found himself in the position of the customer service department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. I’ll miss the guy. He was a brilliant, witty, admirable man who just woke up one morning and decided that I was his mortal enemy and that the readers were disposable garbage. From then on it was just a matter of time.
I do not intend to hold this position forever. I’ve asked to be called EIC pro tem because I’m not the kind of guy who can be happy doing a job like this very long. I have other irons in the fire, including all sorts of stuff coming up in Road&Track and the long-awaited (by me, anyway) arrival of the final MelodyBurner prototypes. I’ll leave the site in better shape than I found it, the same way Ed Niedermeyer did.
While I’m in charge, however, we are going to have fun and we’re going to gore some sacred cows directly in the perineum. I’m looking for writers. Some of my commenters here would make outstanding TTAC contributors. Talk to me.
I wrote my first story about cars in December of 2007. (You can read it here.) Five and a half years later, I’ve appeared everywhere from the local Barnes&Noble to SpeedTV. I have three groups of people to thank:
- The Believers: Zerin Dube, Steve Levy, Jonny Lieberman (yes, really), Robert Farago, Ed Niedermeyer, Sam Smith. You gave me a place and a voice and a recommendation and you stood up against the people who said I was too controversial/damaged/angry/violent/boring/self-involved/loquacious/whatevs. Thank you.
- The readers: The literally hundreds of thousands of people who have chosen to read me, share me on Facebook, retweet me, hand the magazine to a friend, email a link. You’ve made it possible. I do it for you. Well, I do it for me, and for the money, and for the lulz. But also for you.
- The haters: Every Mom’s-basement loser who penned furious screeds against me with Cheetos-stained fingers. Every S2000-driving wannabe drifter who hid in the tower at Mid-Ohio when I showed up there. Every suck-ass club racer who was holding me up on-track and went crying to the Internet or the sanctioning bodies. Every angry husband or beta boyfriend or white-knight orbiter who found themselves on the losing end of the battle for a woman’s heart, soul, or other parts. You have no idea how many times I would have quit writing about cars if I hadn’t known it would gratify the legions of people who have done nothing with their lives but piss and moan about what I’m doing with mine. You’re the biggest motivation I have. Every time I meet a new fan at a new racetrack or slide my Amex through the machine for another custom-shop guitar I say a silent prayer of thanks that you’re still there egging me on. Keep it up.
Thanks to all of you. I’ll keep on writing if you’ll keep reading. If you haven’t checked TTAC out for a while, stop on by. You’ll be welcome there, just like you are here.
When you have comments from the likes such as GrauGeist respond to your prose in disgust, you know you’ve done a bang up job. The world needs more dickheads with substance. Making fires will yield responses from both sides of the table! Wahoo!
But wait…What?
The man is now EIC at TTAC?
Dude, congrats. As busy as you are, and as much ass you are handing out on the circuits…don’t matter. This is wicked!
How does one even begin to step into the realm of TTAC and contribute, and what is said new EIC seeking? Not that I’m interested (ok no, wait-that’s a lie)…but you need to spill more beans! The beans!
I’ve always thought VerticalScope made big mistakes in letting Farago and Ed leave.
The top spot at TTAC is a tough role. Good luck.
I just learned of the news moments ago. Wishing you good health and best of luck. Beware of the Basement Bombardiers as Stuart Clurman likes to call them on his fabulous lostworldsinc.com web page.
My all time favorite Jackism is this one from last year:
“I don’t think I write about getting laid *that* often. I mean, I write about it more than Dutch Mandel does, but that’s only because nobody wants to read about ordering a steak from room service, charging it to Bentley, stuffing it into a shoe, and banging it while you cry over declining circulation numbers.”
I still tear up just thinking of it.
God save the King!
I’ve never commented much here or on TTAC, although I’ve shared a few of your articles. Absolutely love your writing, it’s inspired me on occasion, and definitely influenced my views as a gearhead. Not to mention had me laughing my ass off in the office a few times.
Best of luck in the new job, and when you step down I do hope you’ll keep writing for TTAC. Also, if you stop putting fiction up on TTAC, maybe post it here? I don’t think I’m alone when I say I’ve enjoyed the fiction pieces you posted there.
Your post on FB earlier today prompted me to go over to TTAC and read back through what had occurred, which was a hot mess. I’ve been following your work on there since a piece that involved a Transit Connect and an Electra guitar or three, a few years back. I am looking forward to what you and Derek do with the site, and I think that there is still a place there for a bit of fiction, as well.
Fuck them.
Jack Baruth rules.
Does this mean Farago is gonna be back on TTAC?
I do recall you giving your two weeks notice to TTAC as well when Farago resigned/was fired. Is this the comeback?
Please do spill the beans on what happened (and will happen)!!!
CONGRATS… I THINK?
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Awesomeness… haters going to hate. Perhaps you’ve stumbled onto your secret super power? The ability to use all that negative energy for your own good? Muhahaha!!
I sort of have this image of you giving your acceptance speech in pure Silky Johnson style:
“First of all, I wanna thank God for giving everybody so much, and me, so little. I hate you, I hate you, and I don’t even know you and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else, but you. And as I stand here sippin’ the soda that I’m sure somebody spit in, I just wanna say yall can kiss my ass you rotten motha-fuckas. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go home and put some water in Buck Nasty’s momma’s dish. Good evenin’!”
What if, and this is purely hypothetical, there were one more piece of Baruthian fiction on TTAC? It could be, about, I dunno, a madman, in his office at, say, a website. And he’s wildly swinging away at imagined demons, to his left and right. Everyone’s his enemy. Flailing away. Take that! Get back! And then, the phone on his desk rings…
You know. A tragic work. Cautionary tale. A blow-by-blow of how, let’s call him, “Burt Smith,” met his end. Completely fictional, of course.
Hell of an idea.
Sniff! Sniff! Brimstone?
Jack, be cautious of the devil’s advocate’s temptations. No way in ‘hell’ that it would not be transparent.
The biggest dick who’s hung like a pez
This is your second post like this… does it bother you that I own so much real estate inside your head?
Perfect!
A response like that has the same effect on the brain of the recipient as .223 through tomato.
And if he had any real equipment, himself, it is now on the floor making a mess. And my comment just rubs his nose in it.
Retreat from the field ‘Wilma’… your not worthy.
nope this was my first post
-i pray for your son - honestly
-you got really fat - now that your single you might want to work on that what with your awesome personality
-hows the trust fund
auto enthusiasts cringe at the mention of your name
This website is hosted on my server.
I can see where people are posting from.
In your case, I can see you posting from the Apple Store and home. I kind of admire the idea that you’re willing to trudge over to the Apple Store to hide your identity. I’m also flattered that you monitor my weight, which is more than I bother to do. As long as you can keep these erotic thoughts to me and not the kid, you’re welcome to continue posting.
This website is hosted on my server.
I can see where people are posting from.
In your case, I can see you posting from the Apple Store and home. I kind of admire the idea that you’re willing to trudge over to the Apple Store to hide your identity. I’m also flattered that you monitor my weight, which is more than I bother to do. As long as you can keep these erotic thoughts to me and not the kid, you’re welcome to continue posting.
No shit… What type of low life brings a child into this conversation? A weak, punkass, no life having, jackass that would hide behind a child to protect themselves. Wilma is as low as they come. Ah the power of anonymity and the Internet.