There’s a sad, soy-substitute trend of self-loathing of so-called “automotive journalists” on the internet lately. Most of them hate cars and they can’t figure out why people in Winchester, Kentucky can’t just get on board with public transportation already. They are only on the autos beat because there were no job openings for the Social Justice desk at Daily Beast.
But that doesn’t stop them from needlessly inserting tributes to pedophile rapists and violent criminals, errrrr social justice heroes into every review of the 2021 Kia Forte, or from raging against the patriarchal, capitalist machine that is the auto industry.
Case in point: Senior Editor Jared Rosenholtz from Carbuzz.com. One day this week, Jared woke up and decided that he needed to do something about income inequality. Did he run for office? No. Did he volunteer at a soup kitchen? Also no. Did he write a passive aggressive tweet and tag Bernie Sanders in it? YOU’RE GODDAMNED RIGHT HE DID!
In this moment of inspiration, our testosterone-challenged Senior Editor discovered that there are more choices for people who want to buy a car that costs more than $1M than for people who want to buy a car that costs less than $20k. This cannot be! In what universe should people with more resources be allowed to have more choices? Clearly this is unfair and must be tweeted about! So Jared compiled an incomplete list, put it into a badly formatted Google sheet, and tweeted that shit right out there.
He then sat back and waited for “Car Twitter” to applaud his efforts at remedying the true injustice that exists in the world, a world where somebody on government assistance cannot call up Horacio Pagani and custom order a Huayra painted to honor Lewis Hamilton.
If this weren’t so hilarious, it would be sad. We’ve somehow allowed somebody to have the title of Senior Editor at a solidly second-tier car website who doesn’t understand a single word on the following list:
- mass production
- economy of scale
- boutique manufacturers
- production numbers
- assembly lines
- sales volume
- competitive landscape
- research and development
- supply chain
- marketing costs
- dealer networks
- global economy and tariffs
And I could keep going. Mr. Soyenholtz is painfully unaware of the vast, vast difference between Toyota and Koenigsegg. He doesn’t understand that McLaren has been using the same tub for over a decade. He doesn’t know what it costs to design a new, inexpensive car, nor does he understand how that cost needs to be amortized over a production run that numbers in the millions.
He doesn’t understand that a single day’s production numbers of the Corolla alone dwarfs the entire production run of all of the cars on the right—combined. He doesn’t understand that the number one Lamborghini dealer in the country sold a total of 38 new Lamborghinis in 2019. Like, for the whole year. Kendall Toyota sells that many Corollas in a single weekend.
He doesn’t understand that the average new car price in 2020 isn’t $20,000, it’s actually $36,000. He doesn’t understand that the true sub-$20k car sold in 2020 is not a new car, it’s a lightly used 2-3 year old $36k car that has 8-9 years of life remaining, and it’s a far, far superior vehicle to anything that was available on the new car lot for a similar customer twenty years ago.
He has never heard of words like “holding cost” or “floorplan.” He doesn’t know the difference between Warranty and CP. He doesn’t know the difference between front end profit and back end profit. He’s never seen a stairstep program.
If our dear friend Jared knew a single fucking thing about how any of this works, he’d be ashamed to even consider making such a list. But he didn’t, and he doesn’t. So he wasn’t, and he isn’t.
Oh, and Jared didn’t seem too disgusted by this particular Bugatti.
OF COURSE HE LOOKS LIKE THAT.
Jared, hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be happy to explain to you why your simping for the socialists was a total swing and miss. That’s a sports metaphor, Jared.
P.S.—to those of you who have sent emails to me in the last couple of months (and there are a lot of you), I apologize for my extended absence from the internet. Here’s a list of things I’ve been doing:
- Fishing and camping
- Out renting boats in the Hamptons
- Eating good, working out, and giving charity
- Working on my vocal cord clarity
I’ll get right on answering all of them. Peace.