If you’re at all involved with the modern automotive Internet, chances are you’ve heard about the “26:28 prank” that I (and Alex Roy, and David Maher, and Greg Ledet, and a cast of dozens) pulled off over the past two days. I’d conservatively estimate the impact of the stories at over one million eyeballs so far and tomorrow morning, when our accomplices at Jalopnik drop the last piece of the puzzle, we’ll extend that reach even further.
Had it just been a prank — well, who gives a shit, right? But in this case we’ve been able to focus some attention on the deplorable state of the “Cannonball industry” as it stands in 2015, with more attention to come. If this whole thing prevents just one innocent person from being killed on the freeway by some bedpan-Bolian-wanna-be on his way to try to beat a hoaxed cross-country time, then it’s been more than worth it.
There’s something frankly surreal about the list of people who are in some way responsible for this prank. You’ve got trust-fund millionaires, Wall Street superstars, the most powerful editor in the automotive space (“The conversation in this business,” a friend admitted to me a while ago, “for a lot of people, starts with Matt Hardigree”) the RayWert himself, the guy who claims the third-fastest “Cannonball” in history, and… yours truly, Jack Baruth, the man who once had “Builder’s Square” refuse to grant him an interview for a $5.50/hour job. What can I say? They’re lucky to have me.
I’ve been to the dentist and the doctor this week on a buy-here-pay-here basis and I have some interesting observations to share with you about these experiences in the shadow of the almighty ACA, but for now I’ll leave you with this song, which I heard in the CVS while I was waiting for my prescriptions to be filled. Man, it made me so fucking sad, to stand there in the CVS and listen to it. Not sure why, though. I was eight years old when it came out. I don’t associate it with any particular woman. Let the record show that I didn’t really fall in love with anybody until I was like ten or so.
“You’re The Only Woman” is one in a group of essentially similar David-Pack-penned songs from various Ambrosia records, but I think the bridge is what stands out here and what makes it primus inter pares. Pop music just isn’t written like this any more.
When the pain of love surrounds you
And the world may be unkind
I’ll put my loving arms around you
And take you far from this place and time…
What a wonderful thing to be able to promise.
If you can really mean it.
And if you can really make it stick.
But we all know that most of the time,
for most of us,
in most of our relationships,
it’s always April first.
If one wanted to burn assume of his own hard-earned credibility - along with that of his associated site - it seems as if there are many far-worse societal threats than wannabe Cannonballers. And the “if it saves just one life” rationale, if indeed sincere, strikes me as the sort of misplaced logic used by liberal suburban housewives who join the local MADD chapter as atonement for their own misspent youth.
Or maybe I’m just lacking the appropriate level of humor required for this situation, as I seem to be infected by the same sort of springtime Midwestern respiratory ailment that you mentioned a couple of posts ago (replete with “Audi colored” mucus, which is an apt description indeed).
There are certainly many worse things than a revived Cannonball, but most of those things are beyond my ability to affect in any meaningful fashion.
I’m losing my sense of humor too. Being this sick will do that to you.
At least I don’t have to wade through any more of this silliness to get to the real stuff I want from TTAC - pictures of Canada-only Mitsubishis and Chevy sub-trims of underpowered Buicks and more on the phoney war between Cadillac and Deadweight.
Is it wrong that I thought it was the stupidest thing ever, and just wanted to read about pushing out my vision to the horizon and being prepared to go twice the speed limit down the right shoulder again?
I hear that song often at my nearest grocery store (which has the best musical selection of all the stores I frequent… It’s the little things in life). There is something profoundly sad about it to me as well, a wistful yearning for something lost, or wanted but never obtained.
Ok Jack, and Bark for that matter. I have an honest question. Have you ever owned a car that you have not checked the top speed of it? Not on a race track, or in a controlled situation, but out on a very straight road that you know very well, with very little chance of police interference. Granted a deer or cow may occasionally cross it, but you do it it just to see. I know you have owned and tested cars that were much more capable top speed wise than any I have ever owned. Maybe that accentuates the ” more fun to drive a slow car fast than a fast car slow” mantra, but I am still curious. FYI I once owned a 1984 i think Audi Fox that I bought for 50 bucks, and got it close to 85 mph after i fixed the air box and the broken valve seat. It even had a roll back sunroof. Sold it for 700. Is it not normal to test your car to see what it can do? Or is that “ludicrous speed” and it should never be done?
The problem is that we can’t write about stuff like that without getting hammered by readers for being irresponsible, or for street racing.
There’s a spot on a local freeway that runs straight for a mile and there’s enough elevation that you can see if there’s a state trooper in the mile or so behind you. When I have a review car capable of great speed, that’s where I check it out, after 1AM when the road is empty save for me.
However, I don’t think I’ve ever topped out a car. I got a Fiat Abarth up to an indicated 117 (and the car was making some unusual smells) and a Scat Pack Challenger up to 135. The previous writer who had the car got it up to 140.
I don’t like risking my driver’s license and if you get pulled over for going more than the ton, you can expect to go to jail, at least for the night.
On my way to the NY Auto Show, I don’t think I exceeded the speed limit by more than 5 mph over in Ohio, Pennsylvania and New Jersey and I still did the trip in 10.5 hrs.
That stretch of 94, if I’m not mistaken, has seen a LOT of high speed runs over the years, I’m sure
I thought he was referring to the stretch of 696 west of Orchard Lake Rd.
That’s not bad either. But 94 by willow run, the cops tend to hang out past the rawsonville exist, never on that bit where it doglegs down around the airport.
That stretch of 696 west of Orchard Lake coming east from 275 is a good suggestion, and I94 is sort of far from my house. Neither, though, are what I was referring to, Good guesses though.
75 from Royal Oak to Madison Heights.
Keep guessing. If you guys can’t figure it out, neither can the Michigan State Police, who are the only LEOs likely to be found on this stretch of road.
I’m’a stop, don’t want to get you in trouble.
I’ve maxed out every car I’ve ever owned at least once. Now some of the older ones would only go to 100-110 but my current car is FAST. Not 175 mph corvette fast but fast enough I have no desire to ever check that “Hit max speed twice” in it.
It can be stupid and reckless but it’s also a bit fun.
I’ve also got a bike. I’ve never topped that out and have no desire to.
I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t “topped out” a personal car of mine in a long time.
I know the Accord will do 126 or so, but I know that because that’s what it will do on the front straight of Putnam Park. With an empty road it would be faster.
Does anyone use a radar detector? I just generally don’t really push it on most commuting and driving, but with a V1 and Waze running (at least on heavily traveled roads), it can be effective avoiding revenue traps.
I haven’t had much luck topping out a vehicle. I tried it on my 78 Suzuki GS 750 on a deserted stretch of Highway 6 in Texas. At about 105 all the electronics quit and smoke started pouring out from under the seat - the voltage regulator failed.
I did get my Suzuki Samurai up to 80 going down the Galveston causeway
the only vehicle of mine where I found its top speed was my ’84 diesel F250. Top speed was about 87 mph. any attempt to go faster just made more black smoke and failed to send me back to 1955.
oh, and I remember Builders’ Square and HQ. wonder if in another 10 years we’ll be reminiscing about Home Depot and Lowe’s after Menard’s takes over.
I’ve topped out a few ambulances in the mid-oughties while on emergency runs, one of which had no governor because the cheap-ass county replaced the fried stock ECU with a cheaper aftermarket one. Didn’t realize a 7.3 powerstroke could drive a box north of 110mph (85mph speedo) until after the call. Obviously, those were the handful of times seconds really mattered. An overloaded box shouldn’t go much more than 80 in 99.5% of circumstances, but I’d be interested to drive an ecoboosted Transit ambulance with a tune. That would be fun on many levels.
That Powerstroke (or T-444E) will move a 3.5 ton 4×4 box to 60 mph quickly, V8 car quickly. I am not surprised at all that you reached that speed.
I’ve never topped out the G8. I’ve never found a road where I felt it was safe to do so. The highest speed I’ve seen in it was around 140 on the 100% empty, but curvy, Robert Byrd Highway in West Virginia. That’s the only time I’ve had it over 105, and the only place I’ve ever driven it where it would have been appropriate.
I hit maybe 125 on I-5 near Kelso, Washington in the Taurus SHO I had in college. That was stupid. There were other cars on the road.
I’ve never had the Forester or my previous Acura TSX into triple digits.
When I drove transit buses, on the other hand, most of the time on the freeway I was bouncing off the 65-mph limiter. There was one bus in the fleet that didn’t have a limiter and would do about 71.
Jack ….two words…Government Cheese.
I haven’t topped a car out in a very long time, either. I did one memorable high-speed run in a Subaru Justy a long time ago. In 1991, my fiancée (now wife) and I were visiting some friends in Nobile, Alabama. We decided to go to the beach in Pensacola, and for whatever reason I drive our friends’ Justy. On the 1-mile-plus bridge en route, I decided to test the top end of the Justy with four adults aboard. At an indicated 100 mph or so, I was advised to slow the hell down - they thought they smelled something burning! The remainder of the trip as without incident, although my future wife and I both got terrible sunburns.
OOPS. Should have been Mobile, Alabama.
Back in the 3rd world, where speed enforcement is… what is speed enforcement? I “maxed” a couple of mine.
Sedan with a 1.6 DOHC engine would easily do 110 mph, could do slightly more but didn’t want to push it. I drove it everyday to work at 100, enjoying 30+ mpg
Little hatch with a Mazda 1.3 engine would max at 100 mph… going slightly downhill. The suspension “calibration” made that a scary affair. This one would do 32+ mpg no matter how hard you pushed it.
Little sedan with Fiat 1.3 engine, would not much go over 100 mph, and by then the engine sounded like a glass with marbles instead of a motor.
Little coupe with 1.6 DOHC and long FDR would do 110 mph all day long, sadly I couldn’t turbo it to see what it could do.
Little coupe with 1.6 DOHC-T with AWD and stock FDR would get to 120 mph and still pushing hard. I ran out of guts, with my wife cheering for more speed.
In the 1st world, the roads are several orders of magnitude better and I’m sure my current ride would easily go to 130 mph (tired V6 and all), but I would lose my license (if I’m lucky) and is not worth the risk.