Let me tell you: I have suffered through some drummer issues. Whether it’s having to come up with $1,100 in cash to bail one out on Christmas Eve (2013) or having one suffer a panic attack and literally run off the stage in the middle of a corporate gig (2011) or having one yell at me “Feeeeeeel the music, you stupid motherfucker, like it’s a teenage girl’s [REDACTED]!” during a show in front of a 1200-person audience, forgetting that his microphone was live (1998), drummers have always been a source of personal sorrow for me.
Once I realized that I was going to have a son, it seemed like a natural idea to put him in the drummer role, the same way that Eddie Van Halen and Larry Carlton made their kids play bass. John hasn’t been interested in taking actual drum lessons, but he has a natural sense of time. So when he asked to do a “music video” I figured I’d give him a basic beat to play and see what happened. What happened, of course, is that he waited until my head was turned and commenced to goofing off. In this video, you’ll see him play the drums about twelve different ways, knock one of the drums off the rack, and almost knock the rack itself over. Naturally, the minute I stop playing, he lays down a proper groove just to show me he can do it…
This video was supposed to be just for him (and me) but after watching his antics I thought I’d share it with all of you. I don’t know what I would do without him, to be honest. I also can’t even remember what I thought my purpose in life was before he was born. Doesn’t matter how many bones I break or disappointments I suffer. As long as he’s around, I’ll be fine.
Equipment note: this is the Trussart Three Tone Ganja straight to my ’65 Gibson Skylark, which was given to me by “Mrs. Y,” my neighbor, in 1982, re-tubed by “Neon Dave” Everest in 2009, converted to three-prong by Ryan Lydon in 2011, and re-capped by David Harris in 2012.
*snicker* .
Just wait’ll he steals and crashes your fastest Moto Jack .
BT , DT , he’s my baby now and forever .
-Nate
Steals… I’m okay with.
Crashes… let’s hope not!
Truth be told , some nitwit Woman pulled out from a curb and made an illegal U - Turn in front of him , thankfully was was fully geared up and flew over the opposing curb , between the tree , stop sign and fire hydrant and skidded harmlessly to a stop on the grass parkway….
Gave me quite a start when the CHP called me from the Emergency Room .
As punishment I sold the bike quickly , he wasn’t pleased but understood he’d done a bad thing that could have had a disastrous out come .
-Nate
Either you are a much better guitarist you let on for holding it together when the Younger was playing those crazy rhythms or he is the second coming of Art Blakey for laying down sick beats that the world is just not ready for. No offense to you but I am betting on the latter.
At a darker time in my life, when my son was about five, and I was recovering from being rear-ended by some early St. Patrick’s Day celebrants on my way home from work, I had that my first occurrence of that same feeling…as long as he’s around, I’ll be fine.
The particulars are that I was discovering first hand how much of a marketing lie, er, ploy, that the statement that Oxycontin was less addictive, actually was. It was circa Aaron Lewis and Staind playing their song about “been a while” on the radio several times a day. And I was feeling St. James Infirmary on a daily basis. It was the holiday season, and I was trying to hang tough for him.
He started flipping the dial of the radio in my Jeep, looking for something to cheer me up, when he found the Dido song that was popular about fifteen years ago, the one that goes “you remind me that it’s not so bad, after all…”.
I had kicked stuff before from earlier accidents, but the Oxy’s didn’t have the rep then that they do now, and I didn’t know what was going to happen. Compounding it all, I was out of work at the time.
But when he put that song on and looked over at me and smiled, I knew that whatever was ahead of me, as long as he was around, I would be fine.
And of course, in the long run, I was. As was he. And as we are still…
As much as I love my wife, we have been known to have our disagreements, and before I had my son, when we did, I felt alone and lonely. But after he came into my life, I never felt alone again, even on the bad days on the home front.
The hardest part comes when they grow up and move in their own direction, as he is doing now at 21. But even then, I am fortunate in that I can always move to be close to where he is. But changes are on the horizon, and in one sense, like all good things, this too will come to an end.
But in another sense, it never will. Sort of like the young lion in Lion King, when he looks into the pool at his reflection, and sees the reflection of his father.
There is not a doubt in my mind that he not only has helped me not to age so rapidly, but that he has actually made me younger by having him around for the last two decades, plus or minus.
And you show all the signs of being a good father to John, so your chances of having that same kind of solid father-son relationship are excellent. Which is, as you noted, a very special and good thing.
My heart breaks when I hear of fathers and sons who have had distant or non-existent relationships. But it makes me happy whenever I consider the hand that life has dealt me with my son. I hope yours with John continues along an equally good path.
I’m going to write a bit about Oxy in the near future and my personal experiences with it… your post is a reminder to get that done.
A PS…I am going with the Art Blakey theory also.
FWIW ;
it’s the parents choice to be close to their Child or not ~.
For whatever reasons my parents couldn’t really be bothered and made a point of making sure I knew this , in the end i felt sorry for them , not happy people .
The good thing is : because of this I made damn sure my Son knew and knows he’s loved beyond his wildest dreams and always will be .
Part of that loving is the willingness to put my foot in his ass as necessary , then and now as he closes in on forty years of age .
I’m betting Jack will have decades to come of good times with John .
-Nate
+1 on Art Blakey.
If he’s your son, the way yours, mine and Nate’s are, you may call it “stealing” but in your heart you feel that it was just borrowing without taking the trouble to ask you first. Though if he crashes it, then you might feel that he stole it.
But for a joyride? I would think (a) he’s more like me than I thought, and I thought he was a lot like me; and (b) why doesn’t he know by now that I would have let him do it anyway, with only a minimum of cautionary warnings in advance? He should have known it would be OK with me, as long as he observed a few guidelines I might offer him, none of which would be odious enough to spoil the adventure.
I’ve already given him the green flag to drive my Panther — tell me first if I’m awake, but if I’m sleeping, just borrow it and let me know where you are and when you’ll be back if I text him.
If it were a two-wheeler, I’d probably just make sure he knew how to operate it well in advance of his getting the urge to try it out.
I don’t feel quite so radical about the way that I feel about my son, now that I see that another “old school” guy like Nate, whom I have a lot of respect for, still considers his son who is in his late thirties, to still be his “baby”, forever.
BTW, still pondering Urals. But did you guys catch that Steve McQueen replica Triumph, the one he used in The Great Escape? A few hundred are being made, and the price is under $15K. If I was still working and bringing in more or less “real money” I would already have ordered one. Instead, I guess either I’ll just drool, or find out if my wife has squirreled away a hidden savings account somewhere, for use for my third childhood. (The 88 Thunderbird, just before I met her, was my second one.)
Itis a dangerous siren call. That just about sums it up, though for those who don’t know, more detail would be needed.
Those who have been there and done that know that even if they are wounded to the point of great pain, there is a very narrow Scylla and Charybdis that must be navigated successfully, or disaster will strike.
How old was he when he did that, Nate? And how long before he ended up on another moto? And yours, or one he got for himself?
Inquiring minds want to know…or, so now we can know the rest of the story.
In his teens anyway .
I got him his first Moto when he was 12……
When he was 14 and about to begin the 9th grade I got him a Honda CT90 Trailbike and registered it to him , told him if he rode it carefully and fully geared up always with a book bag , he could be the big man on Campus , having his very own Moto to ride every day . not to give rides , show off nor ride it anywhere but to school and home again .
He knew if he messed up , it’d get impounded and he’d never see it again , no license and so on . the alternative was to ride the Ghetto Bus every day with the losers and gang bangers… I figured it’d teach him responsibility and it did , mostly .
The one he borrowed , was a 1968 (?) Suzuki T250 - something (? S , L ?) , the first regular production 6 speed Moto , it was a two cylinder two stroker and had plenty of giddyap even with my big self and thick psycho-bitch girlfriend on the pillion so I was worried about him riding it , by that time he was a very fast rider indeed .
Shortly after this episode I paid for his MSF Training .
He’s now a better rider than I ever was . safer too .
I was thinking something about Urals to tell you late last night but as usual, forgot what it was when I got to Work and the computer =8-^ .
-Nate
0:40 - “So lame. I’m gonna Def Leppard this $hit…”
0:57 - “…blindfolded”
As a fellow dad, (and drummer) I approve.
Hi Nate,
The Ural thought will likely return, as is the case with me when I get old-timer’s disease, aka CRS. Still building the case for a Ural with SWMBO.
The fact that you had warned him in the at the moto would disappear if he screwed up doesn’t make you seem like an old meany for selling what was left of his first jaunt on the 250. Not that I wouldn’t have done the same if my #1 son had done something similar.
He must have been dismayed, though, that he hadn’t caused the accident, yet it hit the fan for him…but that is a lesson we all must learn sooner or later, that even if we do things correctly, things can still go off the track.
FWIW, if we do end up with a moto, Ural or otherwise, my son and I will be taking the course together, and will compare notes afterword. Thanks for that suggestion.
I can appreciate the jump that going from a 90 to a 250 represents…I test rode a friend’s Honda S90, then bought a Yamaha YDS-2 250 for my first moto. It was a bit too much at first but by three months I was thinking 500cc or more, which I traded up to after the two stroker that had been rebuilt before I bought it blew up for the second time
After that, no more two strokers, and with one exception years later, no recently rebuilt motors.
Dangit, Nate, now you’ve got me jonesing for a moto again. Well, at least it’s the right season for bargains…
The best time of year to purchase vehicles is November through Christmas .
You’d best get on it before April when the tax returns begin rolling in, that’s prime selling season .
I’ve only had a few two - smokers , they were all fun and all but not really practical for touring IMO .
The 1967 Bridgestone 100 was a total hoot, _rotary_shift_ !!.
Go ahead and pull the trigger , you know you want to and once SWMBO and/or the dog go out for Sunday brekkie , you’ll be enchanted for life .
I’m trying my best to hold off from buying a Friend’s nice Riley Elf , it has rebuilt engine , brakes and suspension and is fire sale prices but I have absolutely -no- place to put it……
-Nate
Many years ago, I had personal ambitions. The day my first child was born, they ceased to be important.
When I was told The second child was coming, I was very worried. We had planned this second child, but in the back of my mind lurked a fear I could not completely dismiss….the adoration of my first child was so completely overwhelming that I knew the mext born would always come a poor second.
Then, the second appeared, and like the Grinch, I felt my heart grow several sizes larger.
It is, I found, possible to be completely enamoured of two children at the same time. Never did I favor one over the other. How could I? Each of them was perfectl in my eyes.
When I brought the second child home, I laid him in the first child’s arms and said, “Here is your brother. He belongs to you.”
Of course, they also both belonged to their adoring parents.. My life without them would be a sere landscape. I thank God for them morning and night. If I see either name on caller ID, the cloudiest day becomes filled with sunshine.
How blessed you are to know so early that life has no greater achievement than parenting a child.
*THIS* .
My beautiful bouncing Baby Boy took me to dinner to - night , I got to talk to his wife and my Grand Daughter too , then we talked shop (he’s also a Journeyman mechanic) a couple hours…..
Life is very good indeed ! .
I can die now and know he’ll be fine .
-Nate
Very well put, Nate…and a picture of where I hope to be some day. My one and only is just 21 and still trying to what he wants to do in life. Though I am starting to believe that perhaps he may have found a good thing with the woman he now likes, notwithstanding she is five years older, has two kids and is divorced. She also has a good job and says she doesn’t care what he wants to do, as long as he tries to do something.
So I may live to see a day like yours someday too. At the least, having seen how they have handled the disappointment of having to defer his first visit, when her father suffered a heart attack, (now recovering)…
They both seem to be serious, and not just playing with the idea of having someone new, so I am keeping an open mind and open communication channels.
He has already announced that when I drive him down for his first visit that he and she will be taking me to one of my favorite restaurants to get to meet her.
My two or three greatest fears have been addressed…she does not appear to “have issues”, isn’t gold-digging, and seems to recognize that she is getting a new project that is still in development…so at least I don’t find myself conjuring up horrible images of which way he is going.
They have also decided not to rush full speed ahead into commitment, but neither to leave things too nebulous…they have decided to exchange promise rings when they meet, and to give things time to see how they blend together. And he has already started to form a bond with her older son (the other is barely out of diapers at this stage-at least he gets to skip that step, at least for now).
He has done well in every trial he has faced thus far, and is showing signs of recognizing the enormity of what he is considering with her, so all I can do is watch, observe, and be there when he asks for advice.
Interestingly, he came to me for advice about what to do with an over a year old former online GF from another state, one who did “have issues”…she got her nose out of joint and just ghosted for a month around Christmas a year ago. And now she wants to reestablish contact on an online game site. He wondered if he should open up the comm link and let her know what was up with him.
My advice? If she had treated him like a human being but it just hadn’t work, perhaps. But since she had treated him like crap, he owed her nothing, and that no good could come out of it, and possibly a lot of bad. Summed it up that it seemed like he had a new friend who, whether their relationship pans out or not, is trying to be real with him and not just playing games, and that he shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that, especially with an ex-friend with issues, who very likely could be expected to stir up the pot just to be able to do so.
His response was that that was what he was thinking too, but he didn’t know if he owed it to the ex- to tell her what he was doing these days. Seemed satisfied with my explanation that since she wasn’t up front with him about why their relationship ended, it was best just to not even give her a chance to stir things up (his new GF, by the way, is also on the same game site.)
But the main thing I liked was the fact that he still respects me for the advice and experience I have had, when trying to decide what his best moves are. I know a lot of men who wish they had that with their sons.
And so, I am coming to see that perhaps his moving into this new relationship might be a step forward for him, even a good step, rather than him wandering off the reservation, tempted by a situation where he doesn’t understand what he is signing up for.
Seems like the good sons don’t disappoint, even when you worry, and even when they find themselves in new and/or difficult situations. Not trying to be a Bible-thumper, but the Good Book does say to raise them up in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it when they are grown. Seems like I am still learning that I have to just let his life unfold, and be grateful that I am an important anchoring point for him.
I always knew the day would come, but figured either I would be gone by then, or that it would be later in his life and take longer to develop. But he has always had a knack for finding his way, and when he stumbles or makes a misstep, to recover without major collateral damage.
No doubt, more will be revealed when I meet her and she meets me. But I was impressed, when early on he told her that I was worried about what he was doing, and she wanted to know if I hated her for what they were doing. My reply was that I didn’t but was concerned about what he was doing. Her reply to him was that she understood, that she would be the same way if it were her son.
Could have been just a gambit. But it certainly seemed to set her off on the right foot with me, so now we will wait and see what develops.
So many of the things that have happened in my life over the years have been things that turned out better than I could have imagined, so perhaps this may be just another one. Until then, I watch and wait, and continue to be the best father I know how to be.
And yes, Nate, like you, for all of his becoming a man, he is still “My Baby” and will always be. And the nicest part is that we both know that, and accept that, along side all the rest…
I find the things that you and that Jack write about fatherhood, in particular are helpful to me in dealing with the stages I go through with that…certainly it is the most challenging job of my life. Even my one good marriage isn’t as difficult, because we know we are ultimately on the same page. With him, each issue leads to new understandings of how our relationship will be.
But as you and Jack especially show, the bond starts early, and lasts long.