Donald Trump Stared The NFL Directly In The Eye, And The NFL Blinked

One of the very best things about growing older (I turn 40 this month holy shit OMG OMG) is that one gains a bit of perspective.

When I was a child, the NFL was my obsession. I was a diehard Raiders fan, for no other reason than the Raiders were a particularly good team in the mid-80’s and Columbus, Ohio didn’t have an pro squad. I lived and died with each win and loss. I played John Madden and Joe Montana Football on the Sega Genesis with my best friend every day. I wore Raiders hats and Marcus Allen jerseys.

Of course, I then proceeded to grow up and stop worrying about the exploits of grown men who don’t know me, and I began to understand professional sports for what they are: entertainment. I still enjoy watching sports, but I view them the same way that many people view going to the movies—a nice way to kill a couple of hours with a healthy dose of escapism. It drives my friends and family crazy when they ask me who I’m rooting for and I say, “Nobody. I just like watching the games.”

It goes without saying that there are tens of millions of people who feel completely differently about professional sports, and, in particular, the National Football League. The NFL has dispatched all other pro sports with relative ease, thanks in no small part to fantasy games and betting, but also due to the physical nature of the game. Joe Sixpack feels a connection to NFL players—they work hard, just like he does. They go home dirty, bruised and bleeding, just like he does. And they love America, just like he does.

Whoops. Scratch that last bit.

When Colin Kaepernick, backup quarterback and the adopted son of two white parents, decided to protest police brutality against minorities by kneeling for the national anthem last season, I called him a troll. While statistics and data can always be cherry-picked to suit the needs of the editorialist, there is, at the very least, significant doubt about the validity of his point. Of course, the people who support #blacklivesmatter are nearly entirely the very same people who are saying that only police should have guns. I don’t get it either.

However, when a rather significant number of players began to join in the now-unemployed Kaepernick’s protest (which just proves that he’s unemployed because he’s a poor quarterback, and for no other reason), Donald Trump just couldn’t help himself—he had to comment.

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Clickbait Narratives Are Still Ruining America

Look at the headline in the lead image. Aren’t you enraged? Betsy DeVos, that destroyer of public schools, that evil billionaire—she’s flying a private jet for official travel! It’s outrageous, ridiculous, and completely inappropriate for taxpayers to pay for a woman worth well over $5 billion to fly in a private plane! It must be a scandal, because Tom Price and Steve Mnuchin are also embroiled in scandals.

Of course, if you were actually to click into the article, you’d read the following quote, right at the top of the article:

Education Department Press Secretary Liz Hill told The Associated Press on Thursday that DeVos travels completely on her own dime, accepting no government reimbursement for flights or other expenses.

“Secretary DeVos accepted her position to serve the public and is fully committed to being a faithful steward of taxpayer dollars,” Hill said.

So, wait…what? She’s flying on her own jet to save taxpayer dollars? Well, holy shit. She’s an American hero, not a criminal. But do you think this matters to people who just read the headline on Facebook? Who took the five seconds out their miserable days to make the mad little emoji, or to share it nearly a thousand times?

Nah.

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Resist! For #laborsavings

The e-mail said,

Meetup has always served as an organizing platform for a wide range of political views, welcoming everyone from the Howard Deaniacs to the Tea Party. Meetup will always welcome people with different beliefs.
.
But after the recent executive order aimed to block people on the
basis of nationality and religion, a line was crossed. At a time when core democratic ideals feel under attack, we feel a duty to spark more civic participation.
.
Last week, we created 1,000+ #Resist Meetup Groups to act as local hubs for actions on behalf of democracy, equality, human rights, social justice, and sustainability. Already 50,000+ people have joined.

I trust that most of my readers are too intelligent, or at least too cynical, to swallow that tripe at face value. What’s really going on?

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If You’re Not #withher, Then You’re #notwithus

Please welcome a lifelong friend of mine who is an honest-to-God, no-surgery-required, cisgender female. After a conversation we had recently, I implored her to share her views with our Riverside Green readers. To protect her identity, I’ve given her a username that makes me laugh. Enjoy!—Bark

On November 9, 2016, my best friend texted me. “Well, it’s done. I voted. I voted for HIM.” I laughed, because honestly, minus a tiny snippet of hope in the very back of my brain, I thought Hillary had the election in the bag. “Remember,” I said, “This was an easy decision. Better to vote for an honest asshole who gets economics than a dishonest criminal who is married to a dude who got a blow job in the Oval.” I got the “LOL” and we both went about our day. That night, I stared at the television, incredulous, as the ticker declared that Trump would win Wisconsin. My phone buzzed. “Holy Shit, Lizzie. He’s going to win this thing. You were right about the silent voters.”

I am a 38 year old, pro-choice, gay marriage supporter. I live in a state where it’s legal to buy marijuana for recreational purposes, and frankly, I have no problem with that whatsoever. I did not hesitate when I filled in my ballot in for Donald J. Trump. Oh, and I’m a woman with a graduate degree. But, up until now, I haven’t been able to talk about that at all, because there’s an incredibly curious phenomenon happening with women in America right now.

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Spot The Person Who Won’t Be Moving Back In With Mom And Dad

Question for my readers, some of whom haven’t lost their hearing to everything from a HK pistol to a Marshall Bluesbreaker: Did one of the snowflakes actually yell “Go back to Beijing!” at the end? I can’t make out what they’re saying.

Regardless, this fellow is the hero we need right now. Isn’t that the American Dream: work hard, study, and succeed? And here’s the final takeaway: When the “library guy” is a multi-millionaire success in his chosen profession, how receptive do you think he will be to “social justice” concerns, no matter how legitimate those concerns might be? They say that vaccines work, and I think that this video shows someone being successfully inoculated against left-wing viewpoints, whether that is for better or for worse.

What If You Held A Women’s March And Only Certain Women Were Allowed To Come?

“Bigger than Trump’s inauguration.” “The largest political demonstration since the Vietnam War.” The media hivemind has declared the “Women’s March” an unequivocal success — but what did it accomplish? And if it was truly a march by, for, and about women, then why were numerous women’s organizations prevented from participating? And, most importantly of all, who wrote the checks?

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No Power In The ‘Verse

joss

How much money did you spend on your hobbies between September 1 and now? For Joss Whedon, the answer was: $508,374. His one-man PAC, “Save The Day”, made “comedy videos” featuring a remarkable assemblage of Hollywood celebrities. As you can probably guess, the purpose of the videos was to encourage young people to get out there and vote for Hillary. (Brief aside: Is Hillary Clinton like Madonna or Cher now? A one-name person? How does Hilary Swank feel about that? She won two Oscars!)

Mr. Whedon’s contribution amounted to just one-quarter of one percent of Mrs. Clinton’s SuperPAC money. (If you want to get a terrifying look at the funding behind both campaigns, and chuckle a bit at what a bargain Mr. Trump’s campaign was compared to Mrs. Clintons, the Washington Post has some very well-explained numbers for you.) As a long-time Firefly fan, and as an even longer-time fan of the democratic process, I am proud of Joss for putting his money where his mouth is. Supposedly he’s worth $100M — think about putting one-half of one percent of your personal wealth into an election. That would be like the average middle-class family writing a $1,000 check for Clinton or Trump, which almost never happens.

Unfortunately for Mr. Whedon and rest of Hillary’s supporters, he didn’t get anything for his money. That’s politics for you. You don’t get a refund if your guy (or gal) doesn’t win. But Joss has decided that he wants to get what he paid for, no matter what.

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Like A Phoenix Rising From The Ashes

trump

I’m not gonna lie. 24 hours ago, I thought the Republican party was dead.

I figured Hillary Clinton was well on her way to surpassing 300 electoral votes—perhaps even racing past the Obama ’12 total of 332. It was a foregone conclusion that the Democrats would reclaim the Senate, as well. I began to think about how eight more years of Obamacare and progressive social policies would create an entire generation of Julias, unable to perceive any possible existence that didn’t involve the evermore intrusive and invasive government’s presence in every facet of their lives. I foresaw a world where all conservative ideals and principles were denounced as racist, sexist, and nationalist, where no man would be permitted to hold a view that didn’t adhere to the one given to him by the media. I imagined a 2024 election much like a California Senate race, where two Democrats ended up fighting for the right to be President. I thought that I would never see another Republican president in my lifetime.

Of course, I was incredibly, gleefully wrong. And so was everybody else.

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Rapin’ For Harambe (No Motorcycle Content)

Did Clemson University ban the posting of Harambe photos in their dormitories? The answer is “yes”, although Clemson personnel have been quick to walk that back and the media has been only too happy to assist. Supposedly, Harambe photos are “racist” and “promote rape culture”. And while USA Today might give Clemson a pass because the edict came through in an email, I can tell you from personal experience that defying a “head res” at a university can get you expelled in a hurry. An email from Residence Life has the force of law to a freshman, excuse me, first-year student.

The alert reader will note that there is nothing particularly rape-oriented or racist about discussing a gorilla, so long as you are not directly comparing a biracial sitting president, or his black wife, to a gorilla. (Tt’s not racist at all if the president in question is white, dontcha know.) So why ban Harambe memes or photos?

The answer is simple: Harambe, along with Pepe, is an icon of the alt-right. Posting a Harambe meme can be seen as a silent nod towards the alt-right, the same way that shouting “PEPE!” at the President-Elect is a nonsilent shout-out to the alt-right. The Residence Life staff at Clemson banned Haramabe because they don’t want the alt-right, or even the non-alt-right, to have any voice on the Clemson campus. Plain and simple. Thought police in full effect.

The problem that the Orwellians of the campus left face is this: memes shape-shift too fast to be trapped. If we can’t have Harambe, maybe we can have “Gorilla Munch”. Don’t get your jimmies rustled, you hear?